Ted and Tyra's Synchronized Exits

On Oct. 25.

There -- now we've told you all we know about the episode.

"Gilmore Girls" creator and Executive Producer Amy Sherman-Palladino wanted the press to quote her as saying about the unusual guest casting of the sixty-something former secretary of state on a chick drama that targets 12-to-24-year-olds:

"You know, late at night, when you're sitting in a dark room writing for the five-billionth hour in a row, and you're depressed, you look bad, and your butt is now chair-shaped, you think 'what the hell am I doing all this work for?' And then you get to meet Madeleine Albright. If you think she's [sic] seems brilliant and sassy strutting around the Middle East, you should try talking to her in person. We are very honored, very lucky, and soooo not worthy."

Isn't it interesting, that whole grass is greener thing?

Here we are, right in Albright's town, and when we're sitting in our dark room at The Post writing for the five-billionth hour in a row, and we're depressed and look bad, and our butt has become chair-shaped and we think, "What the hell are we doing all this work for?" -- not once have our thoughts turned to Albright, and never to her sassy strutting around the Middle East.

* * *

You may have noticed that for the past week the press has been hyperventilating over the debut of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report" -- a spinoff of its ballyhooed faux newscast, "The Daily Show," and starring its faux correspondent Stephen Colbert.

Associated Press: "The title of the new series should be pronounced with a silent 't' in 'report' as well as 'Colbert' (say: coal-bear ray-poor), as a verbal handshake exchanged by Colbert cognoscenti."

The Washington Post: "Colbert works in a loft-like building off Tenth Avenue, all overhead pipes and exposed brick, where a bulletin board festooned with blue, purple and pink index cards lists possible segments."

New York Times: "For it to succeed on a permanent basis, 'The Colbert Report' will have to show that it can overcome numerous challenges, not least that it can avoid the stumbles of other progeny . . . that were spawned by hit series."

USA Today: Comedy Central chief Doug Herzog "agreed to an eight-week tryout without a pilot. 'It's a tremendous companion piece to "The Daily Show" yet distinct from it,' he says."

Honestly, it's just heartbreaking the number of trees that various papers have slaughtered to aid the basic cable network in its effort to gin up an audience for this show, which, like "The Daily Show," will skewer evasive, hypocritical newsmakers and the preening on-air news talent who cover them.

But, surprisingly, you will not see reviews of last night's "The Colbert Report" in this morning's newspapers. The show debuted at 11:30 -- well past many papers' deadlines. It was taped hours earlier, but the press was barred from attending.

"It's common practice at Comedy Central not to allow the press to attend the first taping of a series -- there are always unforeseen glitches to be worked out, and the pressure of having the media in attendance is an unnecessary distraction to the production team and talent," a Comedy Central rep explained yesterday afternoon to The TV Column, sounding suspiciously like one of those evasive, hypocritical newsmakers "The Daily Show" so loves to nick.

But at The TV Column, we spit on deadlines. And thus can bring you "The Colbert Report," a Speed Review:

Colbert playing faux Bill O'Reilly/Joe Scarborough. Not so good. Highlight: "Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you!"

Colbert interviewing NBC's Stone Phillips. Much better, especially when he tried to nail Phillips by asking him on what three nights does NBC air neither a "Dateline" nor a "Law & Order." Phillips got two right.

Dueling Phillips and Colbert reading bogus headlines with gravitas. Inspired.