There Once Was a Man From Nantucket . . .

who could see lewdness coming and duck it

Have you heard the one about the new trend in standup comedy? Cleanliness. Good money is being made by unsmutty comics like those represented by Cleancomedians.com. These people perform at corporate events, guaranteeing inoffensive material under the slogan "It Doesn't Have to Be Filthy to Be Funny."

What a load of %!$#. To me, humor requires edge, and raunchiness in the service of edge is no crime. So, aware that Cleancomedians.com is hungry for publicity, I challenged some of its best standup comics to a fight. I would write the setups to jokes, and they'd try to complete them, squeaky clean.

Yes, I fought dirty.

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A customer goes into a certain kind of establishment catering to men. He walks into a room, and inside are a brunette, a redhead, a blonde and a sheep. So . . .

the man says, "This may be the worst bowling team I've ever played on! But at least I can dry my hands on the sheep." (Adam Christing, La Mirada, Calif.)

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So this fella is standing in a men's room, doing what men do when standing in men's rooms, when he notices something completely astonishing about the guy next to him. He's a little embarrassed, but he just has to say something . . .

"I couldn't help but notice," he says, "that you have two right feet."

"Yeah," says the guy. "What of it?"

"Well, as you can see, I have two left feet. Would you like to buy a pair of shoes together?" (Leland Klassen, Vancouver)

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