My So-Called Nomination: Miers Gets Schooled

It has been said that Washington is like high school all over again -- except this time everyone's class president. We were reminded of this watching poor Harriet Miers over the past couple of weeks reliving all our worst freshman humiliations.

HIGH SCHOOL / SUPREME COURT CONFIRMATION PROCESS

Getting called teacher's pet / Getting called a crony

Caught sending suck-up notes to the teacher / Caught sending "You are the best Governor ever" card to President Bush

Teacher returns paper with an "incomplete" / Senate Judiciary Committee returns questionnaire as "insufficient"

Trip to the principal's office / Trip to Sam Brownback's office

Ex-boyfriend blabbing / On-again-off-again boyfriend Justice Nathan L. Hecht blabbing

Can't get a seat at the cool lunch table / Can't get a break from Arlen Specter or George Will

Catty comments about her new haircut / Catty comments about her new haircut

Never been kissed / Never been a judge

A Funny Congressman? Now That's Hilarious!

Indictments are easy; funny is hard. That's the lesson we're left with now that the peals of polite laughter from the 12th-annual Funniest Celebrity in Washington contest have finally died down. As contestant Andrew Sullivan said, it was more or less "the Special Olympics of comedy." And alas, Tom DeLay's mug shot was not eligible for competition.

The Chicago Tribune's Clarence Page , Slate's John Dickerson , WTOP's Mark Plotkin and Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) should keep their day jobs. Sullivan could have a future in this biz, but only on Cinemax. The most conservative of the performers, Americans for Tax Reform president Grover Norquist , cracked one-liners about his new life as a married man: "It's like being a Ken doll -- you don't get to dress yourself anymore."