By Amy Argetsinger and Roxanne Roberts
Sunday, October 23, 2005
It has been said that Washington is like high school all over again -- except this time everyone's class president. We were reminded of this watching poor Harriet Miers over the past couple of weeks reliving all our worst freshman humiliations.
HIGH SCHOOL / SUPREME COURT CONFIRMATION PROCESS
Getting called teacher's pet / Getting called a crony
Caught sending suck-up notes to the teacher / Caught sending "You are the best Governor ever" card to President Bush
Teacher returns paper with an "incomplete" / Senate Judiciary Committee returns questionnaire as "insufficient"
Trip to the principal's office / Trip to Sam Brownback's office
Ex-boyfriend blabbing / On-again-off-again boyfriend Justice Nathan L. Hecht blabbing
Can't get a seat at the cool lunch table / Can't get a break from Arlen Specter or George Will
Catty comments about her new haircut / Catty comments about her new haircut
Never been kissed / Never been a judgeA Funny Congressman? Now That's Hilarious!
Indictments are easy; funny is hard. That's the lesson we're left with now that the peals of polite laughter from the 12th-annual Funniest Celebrity in Washington contest have finally died down. As contestant Andrew Sullivan said, it was more or less "the Special Olympics of comedy." And alas, Tom DeLay's mug shot was not eligible for competition.
The Chicago Tribune's Clarence Page , Slate's John Dickerson , WTOP's Mark Plotkin and Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) should keep their day jobs. Sullivan could have a future in this biz, but only on Cinemax. The most conservative of the performers, Americans for Tax Reform president Grover Norquist , cracked one-liners about his new life as a married man: "It's like being a Ken doll -- you don't get to dress yourself anymore."
Rep. Linda Sanchez (D-Calif.) scored big with the reason she doesn't date Republicans: "They make love like they make war -- they lie to get in, and they don't know what to do when they get there."
Unfortunately the judges* could pick only one winner: Rep. Brian Baird (D-Wash.), who strapped on a tool belt and did an imitation of President Bush in a hilarious bit accusing Cuba of generating "weather of mass destruction" hurricanes . . . oh, never mind. You had to be there.
* Full disclosure: The Reliable Source sat on the judging panel. You wanted objective? Go to another section!You Be The Gossip
You hear that Chelsea Clinton has split up with longtime beau Ian Klaus. You're hot to go with it -- till you realize this juicy tidbit was broken by the New York Post . . . eight weeks ago. Do you:
a) Leave it alone? (She's a private citizen whose romantic life is none of our business.)
b) Pass it off to readers like it's new news? (What kind of person was reading gossip columns the day Katrina struck? We certainly weren't!)
c) Pen a glib, jokey item recommending high-profile new beaux for the once-and-maybe-future first daughter? ( Prince William , George P. Bush , Paris Latsis , W ilmer Valderrama, Kenny Chesney . . . )
d) Leap upon the fresh reports she was spotted snuggling with childhood pal Marc Mezvinsky . . . uh, four weeks ago. (Never mind!)Readers Tell Us
Annandale writes: I have known David Grohl since he was a young lad and noticed an error in your "Shout Out" [Oct. 19]. David did not attend Annandale High School, but rather Thomas Jefferson High School (before it was a magnet science and tech school).
Ah, the old "I knew Dave Grohl when . . ." It's the Northern Virginia thirty-something equivalent of "Yeah, Woodstock, I was there , man . . ." Look, we're all in favor of name-dropping (have we mentioned that we have an ex-boyfriend whose best friend was in a band with Grohl and a best friend whose ex-boyfriend was in a band with Grohl?). Still, we've always been suspicious of all the people who claim to have gone to high school with the Foo Fighters frontman. There couldn't be that many! (Or could there . . . ?)
We asked the folks at the Fairfax County Public Schools to look up Grohl's permanent record (they really keep this stuff!). Turns out the best rock drummer of his generation did, indeed, make the rounds during his school days. So as a public service to all of you trying to check the veracity of your buddies' pre- Nirvana stories, we present the official academic journey of David Grohl:
Thomas Jefferson High School, Alexandria, 1983-84
Bishop Ireton High School, Alexandria, 1984-86
Annandale High School, 1986-87, dropped out.