Coached by Joe, Kissed by Luck

Philadelphia without Terrell Owens. The Bears with a rookie quarterback making his first start. Seattle in an Eastern time zone, where they never win. Are you beginning to sense a pattern here? This coming Sunday, it's Tampa Bay, which hasn't won any games since Brian Griese went down and Chris Simms popped up.

Sometimes luck can make a pretty good team into a very good team. Take a peek at the rest of the Washington Redskins' schedule: the Raiders and Chargers, flying 3,000 miles to get here, with coaches who were fired here. That has to be an uncomfortable situation for Norv Turner and Marty Schottenheimer. Hey, here's a neat way to make it even more uncomfortable: Let the Danny personally meet their team buses when they pull into FedEx and hand them a family coupon pack for Six Flags. That's two W's right there.

At the Rams, at the Cardinals. The Rams have an interim coach and a paranoia level that's at DEFCON 5. Rams management is more concerned with intercepting Mike Martz's phone calls than winning games. The Arizona Cardinals have nothing at all. Arizona is pukingly bad. Until a couple of weeks ago, the only win the Cardinals had came in Mexico City. They had to leave the country to get on the board!

Then, in a row, come the Cowboys -- here. The Giants -- here. And the Eagles, who by then will be out of the running for the playoffs entirely, and will have told Donovan McNabb to go home and get that sports hernia taken care of.

Tony, are you suggesting the Redskins can run the table?

Who, me?

Of course, by then Terrell Owens will have settled in nicely here after getting the heave-ho from Andy Reid. You see, if all it takes to make T.O. happy is the money that the Eagles won't give him -- if straight cash money will shut his mouth and get him on the field with a smile on his face and that familiar spring in his step -- what better place to land than at The Dan Snyder Cash Machine? What do you think ATM stands for if not "All Terrell's Money"?