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The Style Invitational

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Sunday, November 27, 2005; 12:10 PM

This week's contest: It's three full days past Thanksgiving, which means that you've already heard Kenny G play "White Christmas" 123 times in every commercial establishment except Max's Kosher Deli (unless Max, too, was spinning a set of songs written by Jews and played by Jews). It also means it's time for the movie and TV studios to drag out even more treacly "holiday fare" on film. This week's contest: Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. Nothing blasphemous about the Baby Jesus, please. And we'll be happy to run the token entry about your alternative December holidays as well. There's a good chance we'll get many similar ideas, so we'll be looking for especially good phrasing. This contest was suggested to the Empress by erstwhile Loser Kevin Cuddihy of Fairfax in an incessant attempt to get his new Christmas trivia book mentioned in print. Okaaay, Kevin, it's called "Christmas's Most Wanted" and he wrote it with Phillip Metcalfe.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives an Advent calendar promoting last year's stinking bomb movie "Christmas With the Kranks." And we'll toss in Kevin's book.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 5. Put "Week 638" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published -- ta-da! -- Dec. 25, the first night of Hanukkah this year. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Brendan Beary of Great Mills.

Report From Week 634:

In which we asked you to pair an actual Post headline with a "bank head" or opening sentence that reinterprets the headline. Many readers augmented

After Shooting, Arundel Will Check Security

with something like

Officers to Fire First, Then Perform Body Searches.

4. Conn. Archdiocese Will Pay $22 Million to Abuse Victims

Church Insists Incentives Will Be Worth It to Maintain Tradition

 (Martin Mould, Springfield)

3. Woman Arrested in Alleged Teen Drinking

Halloween Tip Leads Police to Gruesome Brew

 (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

2. The winner of the Pickle Putter pickle-shaped putter:

From Prodigy to Promising Virtuoso

Even with 947 volumes, the most massive encyclopedia project ever hasn't reached the Q's.

(Russell Beland, Springfield)

1. And the Winner of the Inker

Ta-Ta to the Windsors

Janet Jackson Performs at White House Dinner for Camilla, Charles

 (G. Smith, Reston)

Honorable Mentions

Bigwig Democrat Gets Bush as Speaker

Ancient Plant Previously Had Spoken Only to Moses (Russell Beland)

Kilgore Parlays Tenacity, Luck

Candidate 'Speaking That Durn French Again,' Va. Voters Complain (Bob Dvorak, Saugerties, N.Y.)

Forty-Two Deaths a Day Keep Designated Driver at the Wheel

State Reports Success With Trucker Hired to Control Population

 (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City; Howard Walderman, Columbia)

Ravens Just Miss

Attempt to Rap on Chamber Door; Instead Crash Into Window

 (Jonathan Guberman, Princeton, N.J.)

Castilla Dealt for a Pitcher

Nationals Hoping to Trade Rest of Infield for an Order of Nachos

(Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

Flu Plan Counts on Public Cooperation

 Half of Public Must Agree Not to Get Flu

(Eric Murphy, Ann Arbor, Mich.)

Mess With Our Heads

 Efficiency Study Suggests Serving Ship's Meals in Latrines

(Michael Bobrik, Arlington)

A Quiet Woman's Resonant Farewell

Mourners Surprised by 'Whoopee Coffin' 
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Coyote Trapper's Methods Ruled Lawful by Judge

10,000-lb. Weight, Falling Grand Piano, TNT Deemed Okay

(Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

H-Backs Propel Offense

Quasimodo Scores Three Touchdowns in Fighting Irish Victory

 (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Mich.)

New Dating Service Caters to Those ISO Rural Romance

PETA to Stage Protest Rally

(Bob Dalton, Arlington)

GW Picked First

Jeb Blames Brother for Nasty Nose Habit (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Court Rules Fighting Is an Integral Part of Hockey

Catty Remarks in Figure Skating Also Upheld (Elwood Fitzner)

Just Soap and Water

CIA 6-Month 'Encouragement' Diet Outperforms Atkins

 (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Blonds Are Entering the Sumo Ring

 Fearful Contestant Asks: 'Is There Any Way Out?' (Bob Dalton)

Now You Can Stop Living With Varicose Veins

Lawyer Offers Low-Cost Divorces

(Peter Metrinko)

Delta Asks for Permission to Void Pilots' Contract

 Board Met Pilots' Earlier Demand to Stick Contract Up Their Butts; Now Admit Discomfort

 (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

An Overflowing Tribute to an Icon

 Dedication of Thomas Crapper Memorial Goes Horribly Awry

 (Jonathan Guberman)

 Alito Respectful of Precedent, Associates Say

 'At Least One Person Around Here Respects Me,' Bush Declares on Reading Report (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Population Expert John Aird Dies

Silver Spring Census Reduced by 1

 (Bob Grossman, Columbia)

Democrats Demand Rove's Firing

Just Sticking Him in Cannon Not Enough, Reid Says

(Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

White House Ethics, Honesty Questioned

Researchers Reveal Most Common Headline in U.S. History

(Russell Beland; Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

MMR Vaccine Does Not Appear Linked to Serious Disease

Pediatricians Unite to Ask: 'So Why Are We Giving All These Shots?' (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Gates Foundation Pledges More Toward Malaria Research

 Microsoft Tries New Tactic to Cut Down Competitors (Ken Gallant, Little Rock)

A Very Good Car, but Alas It Has No Soul

Buyer Disappointed After Buying Popemobile (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)

Thomas Stone Raises $4,000

 Supreme Court Justice & His Urologist Make Unique Contribution to Charity Auction  (Brendan Beary)

Bush Plans 11th-Hour Rally in Va. for Kilgore

GOP Pleased That President Agreed to Stay Up Past Bedtime (Chuck Smith)

Newman Snags Pole

Acclaimed Actor Hospitalized After Urinal Mishap (Jeff Brechlin)

Jaguars Have Chance to Pounce on Battered Rams

Veterinarians Decry Zoo's Switch to Deep-Fried Diet for Big Cats

(Mark Briscoe, Alexandria)

Supreme Court Calendar

Unrobed Justice Souter Makes Splash as 'Mr. October'

 (Roy Ashley, Washington; Brendan Beary)

Unknowns Pose a Challenge for Preparedness Plan

Study Suggests It May Be Easier to Plan for Certainties (Russell Beland)

$75,000 in Bull Semen Is Stolen From Frederick Farm

3 Police Officers Injured Recovering Fingerprints (Rob Poole, Ellicott City)

Trial Could Pit Libby's Interests Against Bush's

Fruit Cocktail Giant Wants to Expand Into Baked-Bean Market

 (Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.; Russell Beland)

Yes, I'm a Hunter -- Here's Why

 Boy in Typing Class Snarls, 'Given the Choices, Yes, I'm a Hunter'

 (Ann Worthington, Annapolis)

Version of Michelangelo's 'Pieta' Called Blasphemous

 'Just Wait Until They See the Captions,' Says Staake  (Kevin Dopart)

 Next Week: I've Told You a Hundred Times, or Give Us Your Tired, Your Poor


© 2005 The Washington Post Company

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