Oprah Gives Peace -- and Letterman -- a Chance

Nobel Peace Prize contender-if-her-fans-have-anything-to-say-about-it Oprah Winfrey last night made her first appearance on David Letterman's late-night show in 16 years to claim there was never any truth to the report that she had a problem with him.

Next she'll be blaming "the media."

"Could you please tell me what has transpired?" Oprah asked Letterman, smiling sweetly.

"I have never for a moment had a feud with you."

Which is odd because, for the better part of two decades, despite repeated requests from Letterman, Oprah had refused to return to any show he has hosted. Two years ago she told Time magazine that she would not go on Letterman's show because both times she had, in the '80s when he was on NBC, "I was sort of like the butt of his jokes. I felt completely uncomfortable sitting in that chair, and I vowed I would not ever put myself in that position again."

But now, at least on her fans' Web sites, she's campaigning for the Nobel Peace Prize, and Letterman has gotten old and lost his edge, so last night he fawned over her and she let him. It was sad.

"This is the television event of the decade," he gushed, introducing her as an "icon," "humanitarian" and "Broadway producer."

Oprah brought him a present that, because Oprah is first and foremost a businesswoman, was wrapped in purple by way of plugging her new Broadway production, "The Color Purple."

The present was a picture of Oprah and Uma Thurman, the gals who, just a few days earlier on Oprah's syndicated show, had dissed Letterman for that lame joke with which he'd opened the Academy Awards in '95 -- "Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah." They've never forgotten the cruel, cruel joke, they told Oprah's viewers, because they're both very, very sensitive about their first names. Poor lambs.

"I want you to know it's really over, whatever you thought was happening," Oprah told Letterman, still smiling very Nobel Peace Prize-ly.

Letterman said he could not thank Oprah enough for finally agreeing to be a guest on his CBS show: "It means a great deal to me, and I'm just very happy you're here."

"Does it really?" Winfrey asked. "I've been hearing for the past week you talking about it, and I didn't know if you were really serious or you were just doing your 'Dave thing.' " Letterman, ignoring the slap, continued to fawn: