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Humor Cop

(Eric Shansby)

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Nicole: That's me. I'm the brand manager for Bazooka.

Me: I have a potentially explosive issue here, ma'am, and I want to give you a fair opportunity to respond.

Nicole: Okay.

Me: I received the following joke wrapped around a brick of Bazooka bubble gum purchased during the second week of November 2005. I chose this at random from among a dozen others displaying similar degrees of creativity and hilarity. Joe is in a restaurant. He complains there is a fly in his soup, and asks what it's doing there. The waiter says, "Well, offhand, I'd say that it's swimming!" My question is: Can you supply a good reason why you, as the person responsible, should not be incarcerated?

Nicole: Ha-ha!

Me: I'm glad you find this funny, ma'am.

Nicole:

Me: Your product is often children's first exposure to written humor. What if their entire sense of humor winds up being shaped by recycled, Depression-era jokes that were never funny to begin with and became even more rancid over time, pungent with the odor of decomposing inanity? What if, 30 years from now, when these children are the head writers for "Saturday Night Live," they do skits about idiots throwing clocks out the window to see time fly?

Nicole: This is a piece you are doing?

Me: Yes, ma'am, I am an investigative humorist.

Nicole: This is very odd.

Me:

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