A Year on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

That was it for the good news. The rest of 2005 was a steady diet of misery, horror and despair, leavened occasionally by deep anxiety. So just for fun, let's take a look back, starting with . . .

JANUARY

. . . when President George W. Bush is sworn in for a second term, pledging in his inauguration speech that, over the next four years, he will continue, to the best of his ability, to try to pronounce big words. In a strongly worded rebuttal, the Democratic leadership points out that, when you get right down to it, there is no Democratic leadership.

In other government news, President Bush's nominee to be attorney general, Alberto Gonzales, undergoes a grueling Senate hearing in which Democrats probe him repeatedly about his views on torture. At one point, the Democrats threaten that, if Gonzales does not give them the information they want, they will force him to listen, without ear protection, to a question from Sen. Joe Biden. "No!" screams Gonzales. "Anything but that!"

On the social front, Donald Trump, in a lavish ceremony attended by many celebrities and helicopter pilots, marries his third or fourth wife, the lovely Mrs. Trophy Supermodel Trump. After the traditional Blessing of the Pre-Nup, the couple retires to the honeymoon suite for an intimate evening involving champagne, scented candles and a team of eight apprentices.

Johnny Carson, an oasis of wit in the wasteland, signs off for good.

In sports, the winner of the Orange Bowl -- and thus the national college football championship -- is Lance Armstrong, who is once again suspected of being on something.

Meanwhile in Iraq, the first free elections in half a century are held under tense but generally scary conditions, with more than 8 million Iraqis turning out to elect a National Assembly, whose idealistic goal, in the coming months, will be to not get blown up.

But the mood is more upbeat in . . .

FEBRUARY

. . . which dawns on a hopeful note in the Middle East, where Israelis and Palestinians, after decades of bitter violence and short-lived truces, are finally able to . . .

Never mind.