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Back From the Future: Messages to Yourself
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"Are you still drinking as much as you were back in '04? . . . I hope you laugh when you see this, cause if you aren't, you are probably close to dying."
"Don't no way forget to see your watch tomorrow at 11h:11m:11s. You've been waiting for that [for] 14 years!!!" (After this extraordinary temporal event occurs, what will this writer have to live for?)
"Congratulations! You are now top of the mountain! I really am proud of you. No matter what! You are doing great!" ("I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it . . .")
"Please somehow pass me the winning lotto numbers."
"A P.S. to myself . . . If you're reading this and you still haven't gotten laid, kill yourself."
"Tomorrow is payback day! If I'm going down, I'm taking everyone with me. . . . Anyway, tomorrow their little secret will be revealed to all, and they won't be able to figure out how!" (This one is scheduled to be sent on Aug. 29. I really wish the writer had said where this event is going to happen. Would be interesting to watch. Or run away from.)
"Please tell me you still aren't a jobless social phob living at home? Please tell me that you've gone to college and gone into nursing like I'd planned. I would hope you found some way to get braces and maybe lose a few pounds too. Because as of Dec. 17, 2005, you are fat, ugly and useless."
"You're working at Cove Prep [treatment facility for adolescent sex offenders] right now, making $8.83 an hour . . . a long way from the $48,500 salary you were making in Vegas as the HR manager. Of course, you spent all of that money on gambling and methamphetamine, a mistake that I do not plan on making when I am back in Vegas and (hopefully) making that kind of money again."
"What's the future like? Any flying cars yet? Or possibly LAZER flying cars? Please?"
