Live From New York, And on the Mend

The artist making history, Clark said, was Mariah Carey. "There's a virtual sea of Mariah Carey fans" flooding Times Square, Clark said (although at another time he seemed to say there was a virtual sea of Mary J. Blige fans). Seacrest introduced Carey, who rose from a hole in the floor of a makeshift stage dressed in what looked like a large snowball of white fur and feathers. Perhaps to tease viewers and worry ABC censors that she might mimic Janet Jackson's infamous nipple-baring at the 2004 Super Bowl, Carey at one point pulled down her tight outfit to reveal even more awesome anatomy than was already on display.

But ABC cut away and that was that, with Carey slinking in and out of what looked like an ermine cape during her song -- portions of which were evidently being lip-synced by the star.

Philbin, meanwhile, had a merry time of it on Fox, chatting by phone with his chum Donald Trump and interviewing actor John O'Hurley, famous first for playing J. Peterman on "Seinfeld" and now for his terpsichorean feats on "Dancing With the Stars." "He's going to appear on Broadway in 'Chicago' soon," Philbin said, probably confusing any viewers who were unaware that "Chicago" is the name of a musical play.

All the New Year's Eve shows, including one on NBC that starred late-night personality Carson Daly, looked cheaply produced, filled as they were with plugs for the performers' movies and CDs ("Idol" alum Carrie Underwood promoting her new single "Jesus, Take the Wheel," for example). The only essential part of any of the shows is the countdown to midnight; everything else is filler, with ABC's going on into the wee hours of the new year.

It wouldn't be easy to come up with a demographic profile of a typical viewer. Hosts Philbin and Clark are over 65, but all the musical acts booked were young contemporary types. There were frequent audio dropouts during one rapper's number, indicating a network censor was manning a "delay" switch to remove potentially troublesome words and phrases.

Even so, the rapper sang of a "born-again vixen with some pimp in her life," whatever that means. Among other highlights: Seacrest at one point referring to the vaunted Clark as "Dick Carrey"; comic Wanda Sykes on NBC's show saying it's been such a "disastrous year" that she's "waiting for Godzilla to show up"; and one young woman in the surging throng that filled Times Square complaining to a roving reporter, "I have to go to the bathroom!"

NBC producers had one good idea. They aired rare footage of the late Johnny Carson welcoming in the year 1966 as host of "The Tonight Show." Carson was in color, but TV was still primitive enough in those days that the remote shots from Times Square were in black-and-white. NBC newsman Ben Grauer hosted the brief segment, noting "the escalation of the war in Vietnam" as a major news story of the day.

Later, live on NBC, Daly told viewers that "a lot has changed" over the years "and yet in a weird way, not much has changed." This New Year's Eve show seemed in a very weird way indeed.