Captain Chaos Enjoying the Ride

'I'm Not Cutting My Hair'

Mark Brunell, the Redskins starting quarterback, was asked if he could shed some light on Cooley. "On or off the field?" he said, half-smiling.

"Seriously, if the way he acted off the field affected his work, it's one thing," Brunell, 35, said. "But he knows when to work and when to have fun. He's got a good balance. He's a big kid. Before a game, he's acting like my 4-year-old."

Five minutes before the game against the St. Louis Rams last month, Cooley paraded around the team locker room in an outlandish fur derby cap and a red microphone cover over his nose. When he was selected a captain and went to midfield to meet the Rams players prior to the game, on a whim he introduced himself as "Captain Chaos."

The last two homes games Cooley and Kozlowski have rumbled into the FedEx Field parking lot blaring Great White's "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" from their car speakers.

"I mean, it's sports," Cooley said. "Basically, I go from 23 years old to I get to work and I'm 15."

Last September, Cooley recounted, he heard that the Redskinettes were planning to turn their backs on him when his name was announced at the season opener against the Chicago Bears. It was the cheerleaders' way to protest his role in the firing of Buglisi and Ogilvie.

"Stupid high school drama," Cooley's brother Tanner called it. Just the same, Chris was ready. He said he hatched a plan in which he would pretend he was dating another cheerleader by running over to the sideline at FedEx Field and handing her the ball after he scored a touchdown.

"It didn't work out very well," Cooley said. "First, she really didn't take it, so I just kind of tossed it and it hit the ground. Second, there was a penalty on the play, so it was called back. So I had to run back on the field. I almost had to shake my head, 'cause everything happened fast and, like, I'm fine. It doesn't bother me. It's almost rude to say, but I don't care what the rest of the cheerleaders think about me."

Reebok, with whom Cooley has an endorsement contract, has begun printing Captain Chaos T-shirts, he said. "The words are in Superman letters," Cooley said. "They got this picture of me, next to my autograph and my number.

"Hilarious, huh? I've changed from the tight end no one knew to Captain Chaos."

Unprompted, Cooley announces in his living room, "I'm not cutting my hair."

And later: "I think I'm going to get a big Shockey tattoo, dude," referring to Jeremy Shockey, the New York Giants' tight end. "I think I need one. He got a huge one on his arm. I need a big tattoo somewhere."

Captain Chaos may not make the cut. "In 10 years that might be really stupid to me," Cooley said. "A big tattoo, you really got to think what would be cool in 2030."

In 25 years, Cooley plans to be less of a large-living, 23-year-old football player enjoying his life after admittedly getting married too young. He wants it known that he is not some out-of-control, philandering, beer-chugging athlete headed for a personal meltdown, as callers to head-banger radio might suggest.

But until then, he has some damage control to perform.

"You could put in the article that Chris Cooley and Christy Ogilvie will be clearing things up on DC-101 over the summer with 'Elliot in the Morning,' " Cooley said. "Yeah, dude, put that in there."