Thursday, January 12, 2006

Dear Amy:

I have been with my fiance for more than 10 years.

My parents were older and ill, and I took care of them.

Now our parents are deceased. We got engaged last year. Although I have wanted to marry him for many years, now I am hesitating because of worrying about our wedding.

I have nieces and nephews who at certain times have called us "losers." I don't think they would care enough to even come to our wedding.

I also do not feel close to my siblings because of age differences. They seem to look down on me.

His family has treated us badly, and there was a lot of greediness over his mother's will.

His sisters are mean gossips, and they have said some fairly nasty things to me over the years.

I have few friends because I was a caregiver for most of my life.

I have only told a few people about our engagement, and I do not even wear my ring around relatives, because they would probably ask me about wedding plans. How can I have a wedding with people who seem to think that we are a joke?

I am torn between having a traditional affair with all of the bells and whistles -- with guests who don't really care about us -- or eloping and missing out on all that.

Sad Bride-to-Be

I vote for eloping and missing out on "all that." Especially because "all that" means a wedding with bells and whistles, attended by people you don't like and who don't like you.

Perhaps you've seen too many movies, but you seem to have an idea that weddings are somehow intrinsically wonderful.

Weddings aren't wonderful.

People are.

Without wonderful people witnessing a wedding, then a wedding is just an expensive party with an empty space where its heart should be.

If you and your guy elope, you have a shot at having a wonderful memory on which to build your future.

You and your fiance can plan your elopement, make the arrangements and start the rest of your life together.

I hope that you and your fiance will commence the hard but rewarding work of making, and keeping, friends. Friendships will sustain you when your families don't.

Dear Amy:

In the ongoing discussion of thongs and VPL (visible panty line) in your column, I'm surprised that no one has commented on the famous "Panty Line Killer."

The first time I was even aware of panty lines was when a serial killer confessed that VPL was the way he selected his victims.

He watched women go by and followed and killed women whose panty lines showed too prominently.

Don't you suppose this has something to do with the concerns about panty lines that many people have?

Laura in Connecticut

Do I think that women are concerned about VPL because of the famous "Panty Line Killer"?


That's because the "Panty Line Killer" doesn't exist.

A check of all available resources turned up no references to a VPL rogue. Even, which tracks urban legends, has no references to the Panty Line Killer.

I spoke with Roger Depue, former chief of the FBI Behavioral Science Unit, who told me that he, too, is unaware of this infamous criminal, though he adds that fantasy is definitely a component in sexual crimes.

I'm wondering if the VPL killer is perhaps related to the "Brassiere Barbarian" or the infamous "Thief of Thongs." Perhaps we can start a new urban legend in this space.

Ladies, beware!

Write to Amy Dickinson ataskamy@tribune.comor Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

2006by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services Inc.

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