Inviting Trouble

Gene puts the 'bash' in New Year's Eve bash

From my voice mail last month:

"Hi, Gene! This is Erin Tracy from Regan Communications in Boston! I wanted to talk to you about a New Year's Eve party Olives is throwing! And we have a lot of VIP guests and champagne! And Olives is also debuting a brand-new menu item, the Crispy Denver Lamb Spareribs and a brand-new drink called the Belvedere Sunset! And I wanted to chat with you about covering the event!"

I called her back.

Me: Why did you contact me with this vital news?

Erin: Well, I think your title is food and lifestyles editor?

Me: No, it isn't. At some point in the past, some idiot put my name in a PR reference book, listing me as some dippy lifestyles expert. I've tried to get this listing expunged, without any success so far. I keep getting calls like yours. I am at my wit's end. Maybe we can solve this problem for good, right now.

Erin: Okay!

Me: The fact is, I write humor. Everything I write makes fun of someone or something. If I wrote about this party, I would probably make fun of your client in an extremely hostile and unfair way. In fact, I am taking this all down and plan to write about our conversation, in the hope no PR person will ever dare call me again.

Erin: Oh, no!

Me: So my first question is, Why would any human being with any life at all have any interest in the fact that some VIPs will be attending a party? "Celebrities Amuse Themselves Again" doesn't seem like an interesting headline, does it?

Erin: I'll have to call you back.

Later, the phone rings.