Spitting Images: Redskins, Washington

Friday, January 13, 2006

Seattle Times columnist Steve Kelley offers a rebuttal to Tony Kornheiser's "Few Choice Words" on the Emerald City from Monday's editions.

Beware of flying phlegm. The Washington Redskins are coming to town.

The team whose sprinkler system of a safety, Sean Taylor, in the spirit of Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic," hawks loogies into the faces of his opponents when words just don't seem to be enough, is coming to Seattle for a playoff date with the Seahawks.

Who can blame Taylor for using everything in his power to get an advantage? His team comes from the town where rules are meant to be bent.

Washington, D.C., is a corruption theme park. Who cares about a little spit in Washington? This is the city where independent counsel Kenneth W. Starr used DNA to get Bill Clinton impeached.

This is the town where an influence peddler like Jack Abramoff can get you a suite for the next home game. It will only cost your vote in the House, and perhaps your soul.

The Redskins are coming to town. Redskins? Who named this team, anyway? Strom Thurmond?

This is the team from the town where the truth is an endangered species, where rumors run as wildly as Clinton Portis.

It is rumored, for instance, that Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Tex.), the former House majority leader, is reapportioning the NFC East to include Dallas, Prairie View A&M, Rice and Baylor.

Teams can't be too cautious when they play Washington.

Worried that the Bush administration's domestic eavesdropping policy is getting out of control, we heard that Seahawks Coach Mike Holmgren will have his headsets swept for bugs before Saturday's game.

Washington is not to be trusted. Everyone there is from somewhere else.

Quarterback Mark Brunell is from the University of Washington. Dick Cheney is from Pluto. Washington's 43-year old tackle Ray Brown is from AARP. Gibbs is from NASCAR. But there's really little to fear from this weekend's visitors.

Last week at Tampa Bay, Washington's offense was as nonexistent as Iraq's WMD. And it was reported on some blogs Wednesday that Joe Gibbs had received a call from the president.

"Gibbsie," Bush said, "you're doin' a heckuva job."

The kiss of death.

© 2006 The Washington Post Company