Confessions of a Ringer
FOR MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION this year, I promised to stop making crank calls to customer service reps. Fortunately, I made these calls in December.
Me: I have a suggestion. You should put a new animal in the box. The cuttlefish.
Victoria: A cuttlefish. Okay, I'm going to put that down.
Me: I belong to the Swedenborgian Gymnosophist Christa-delphian sect, a little-known offshoot of the Transcendental Theosophism movement. We worship cuttlefish, and I think it would be an important act of religious tolerance for Nabisco to respect our faith by including this important animal.
Me: I implore you, please do not discriminate against Swedenborgian Gymnosophist Christadelphians just because cuttlefish resemble phlegm.
Victoria: I will pass your suggestion to appropriate staff.
Me: Wow, you really stay on message.
Victoria: Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
Dawn dish detergent
Me: I notice the instructions on your label are written in both English and Spanish, but you do not include my native Latvian. I am deeply offended.