You Only Wed Once

Within months of the actual marriage, the couple may be guests of honor at a reception given by relatives or friends. When the year is up, and in other years following, they can give or be given anniversary parties. They can have champagne and cake if they like, and they can dress up (although the years-later assumption of bridal regalia should be reserved for those who have weight maintenance and indulgent friends).

What they should not be doing is making a mockery of the marriage ceremony by holding mock ceremonies. They may be able to reproduce the starry-eyed look, but they will never manage that tiny note of "What am I doing?" that makes it exciting.

Dear Miss Manners:

I have a friend who will use the words "no offense," and then say something very offending. Something like, "No offense, I just don't like your cooking, I guess I'm just used to my own."

I thought that you were trying not to offend someone when you used those words.

She does this all the time, and I would like to know how I should handle it because now she's starting to offend my other friends.

Of course. That's what she has obtained your tacit permission to do. As the request comes in the same statement as the insult, you have to move in quickly to refuse.

Breaking in immediately to say, "I'm afraid I'm easily offended," may head off this unpleasant practice. If not, Miss Manners advises responding to the insult by saying sadly, "Indeed, I am offended."

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) atMissManners@unitedmedia.comor mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2006Judith Martin