At the Alfalfa Club Dinner, The Upper Crust Is Served
By DeNeen L. Brown
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, January 29, 2006
As they gathered in the lobby of the Capital Hilton heading into the annual Alfalfa Club dinner last night, there were snatches of what the rich or powerful say to each other. A woman in blue said to a woman in red: "You look lovely. Your dress matches your medal."
A man in black slapped another man in black on the shoulder: "Hey! Bob, how you doing? How's life?" They stood there and talked about their golf swings. "Flexibility is tough," one said to the other.
Then in comes Martha Stewart and the crowd parted. She was wearing a sparkling charcoal gray sweater with gray slacks. But she looked warm and stunning. Asked about the night, she smiled with such graciousness and sincerity that you now understood her charm. "I'm a guest of Catherine Reynolds," Stewart said. "I've been to this dinner before and I anticipate tonight will be fun." Before Stewart walked away, she was introduced to a man named Frank who smiled and kissed her on the cheek. Then she shook hands with Vernon Jordan, who looked tall and beautiful and deep rich like velvet.
You began to understand more about the purpose of this dinner organized by the Alfalfa Club, an exclusive circle of the rich and the powerful founded in 1913 for no real purpose except to organize a banquet each year to honor the birthday of Gen. Robert E. Lee. (The club takes its name from the legume whose roots probe deeply for liquid. An Alfalfan, it is said, will do anything for a drink.)
"It's an evening that helps restore the bipartisan tone of the town at least for one night and that's good," said Landon Parvin, a member. "You get a patriotic sense when the Marine Band marches in, whether you are a Republican or a Democrat or an independent, you are thrilled."
Because no reporter is allowed inside the ballroom, we gazed from the outside, hoping to catch a glimpse, a quip, a meaning. Standing behind the ropes. Spying. Desperate for leaks. Before the night was over, we had gathered enough information to make a sketch of what happened inside. For the sake of democracy, this is what we found.
On the guest list: Chief Justice John Roberts, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Justice Sandra Day O'Connor and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. Gov. Jeb Bush of Florida. Vice President Cheney, who seems to emerge from wherever he goes when there is something really important to be said.
We learned that the powerful and the rich sit next to each other at a head table spanning the length of the ballroom. President Bush was to sit next to Roberts, who was seated next to the ambassador of Germany, who sat next to Rice, who sat next to O'Connor. In between was the secretary of the Treasury and the ambassador of Japan. Then came Rumsfeld and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. According to a seating chart, to the president's left were places for George H.W. Bush, Justice Anthony Kennedy, Mayor Anthony Williams. And down the line was Laura Bush, who was to sit next to EPA Administrator Stephen Johnson and OMB Director Joshua Bolten and Alan Greenspan, who was to sit next to Barbara Bush. And somewhere in the room was Karl Rove.
And for four hours, we are told, they dined on $230-a-plate meals of coriander-poached lobster with artichoke and fried dill lotus root. They ate filet mignon and pistachio-encrusted sea bass with roasted beets and baby carrots and black currant sauce. And they were served a salad with dates and raspberries and brie with table water crackers.
The salad course gave them the break they needed to get up and shake hands.
We were told the night was filled with speeches.
And President Bush would split sides with unexpected laughter.
The first speech was reportedly given by the outgoing Alfalfa Club president, Sen. Jim Sasser (D-Tenn.). We do not know what he said because we were not there.
But next we heard that Sen. Mitch McConnell of Kentucky spoke as the incoming president. According to an excerpt of his remarks, McConnell told the audience that it was an honor to have been selected as president of the club. "I also want to thank the man upstairs," he reportedly said. "I'm talking of course about the NSA agent who's listening to all of this."
To President Bush, McConnell said: "Mr. President, it is good to see you. I was distressed to read press reports that there was a rift between you and your father and that you are now speaking only at Bush family functions such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, the Alfalfa dinner and invading Iraq."
We assumed they laughed because it was a pretty funny line. Get it: Iraq has been a family affair.
McConnell continued, according to the excerpt: "I want to acknowledge my wife, our nation's secretary of labor, Elaine Chao. . . . And she is the motivation for what will be my platform as president of the Alfalfa Club. It is time we take our culture of cronyism and replace it with a different culture. A new culture, a better culture. It's time we replace a culture of cronyism with a culture of nepotism. Alfalfans one. Alfalfans all: Ask not what this club can do for you. Ask what this club can do for your family."
More applause, we can assume. Cheers, surely.
Then we are told that Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) was to give a "surprise" speech given jokingly each year by the Alfalfa Club nominee for president of the United States. We could not find out what he said.
But we are told it was Bush, who is getting ever funnier, who stole the show.
"It's always interesting going through the Alfalfa seating chart to see who's here," Bush was to have told the audience, according to a working script. "There are a number of Bushes present.
"My dad, Ole 41, is with us. A little earlier as we were getting ready, Dad was talking to Jeb, Marvin and me. Surrounded by his sons, he got a little choked up. Amidst the tears, he said, 'Boys, this evening would be perfect if only your new brother Bill Clinton could've been here.' "
Then Bush must have paused. "Mom's here. Mom, you got in any trouble lately?"
Bush congratulated Rice. "Glad Secretary Rice could be here. She just returned from a fact-finding mission to New Hampshire and Iowa." Then, turning to Rumsfeld, he reportedly said: "And we have with us tonight a man who understands the importance of a strong defense, a man who's an institution, a leader among men. Not you, Rummy. Joe Paterno. Joe, would you stand? Great to see you."
Ooops.
Bush continued, according to excerpts from the script: "It's always good to see Vice President Cheney. Lynne and Laura were out of town recently, so I called up Dick and said, 'Why don't we go to a movie?' "He said, 'Great idea, let's go to a cowboy movie.' "
Pause.
"Yep, finally went to see 'Brokeback Mountain.' Let me tell you. Whooo-eee.
"Dick sat through the movie, didn't say a word. We come out, after a while. He says. . . . 'Nice horses.' I said, 'Yep.' Then he became real quiet again and kind of serious.
"I knew something was on his mind. Finally he turned to me and said . . . ."
Pause.
"You don't suppose the Lone Ranger and Tonto. . . . "
And we assumed they laughed, because this one was funny.
Bush joked about the Jack Abramoff scandal. "Now I also note from the seating chart that Alfalfa has its normal share of billionaires in the audience. By the way, one of the things that surprised me about the Abramoff scandal is how much money some of the Indian tribes have. In fact, it wasn't until tonight that I learned that Warren Buffett and David Rockefeller are Chippewas."
Bush continued cracking them up, joking about his current state of political affairs.
"You know," he said, according to the script, "you can't please some people no matter what you do. Half the time, they say I'm isolated and don't listen. Then when I do listen, they say I need a warrant."
And he reportedly closed with a note on what happened at the Supreme Court confirmation hearings for Judge Samuel Alito. "And let me clear up something else. I do not support torture . . . which is why from now on we're abolishing Senate confirmation hearings."
And in answer to the many inquiring minds wanting to know why Alito's wife burst out of that hearing crying, Bush explained: "Martha Alito won America's heart. What a warm and wonderful woman. I talked to her. You wanna know what really caused her to cry at those hearings?
"Boredom."
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