By Dan Steinberg and Desmond Bieler
Monday, January 30, 2006

Our colleague, Couch Slouch has already explained the un-American travesty that the Super Bowl halftime show has become -- although we should all be grateful that the NFL isn't trying to give Detroit its props by trotting out Kid Rock and his star-spangled poncho again. Anyhow, they threw us one bone, with Stevie Wonder headlining the pregame festivities, but we here at the Lineup have a theme to come up with and we want our Motown hits!

"With You I'm Born Again," Henry Samueli: New owner of Mighty Ducks of Anaheim will do away with "Mighty" part of team's name. Starting next year, team will simply be known as the Anaheim Ducks of Los Angeles.

"Dancing In the Street," Seth Greenberg: In the midst of tough season, his Virginia Tech team finally gets an ACC win. Good to see the Hokies are still alive and, um, kicking.

"Maybe Tomorrow," the Terps: Fail a critical test at Temple, grading out poorly, not following through on their assignments and never coming up with the proper answers. Wonder if Chris McCray could have helped.

"Heat Wave," J.J. Redick: Duke guard is unconscious against Virginia, scoring 40 points on 11-of-13 shooting. Hearing that Redick was unconscious, several Conference USA referees recommended calling a technical foul.

"Cloud Nine," Kobe Bryant: A week later, his 81-point performance is still the talk of the NBA. Just yesterday, Kwame Brown was overheard saying he can't wait to tell his grandkids about the day he and Kobe combined for 84.

"War," Mike Grieco: Miami-Dade prosecutor ups charges against Sean Taylor, which could dramatically increase Taylor's jail time. Sources tell us Grieco is simply fed up with Taylor constantly asking him if he's that guy from "21 Jump Street."

"The Tracks of My Tears," Ron Gettelfinger: Union leader calls Ford's plans for massive layoffs "extremely disappointing." Gettelfinger was especially troubled at the prospect of 30,000 Ford employees losing their jobs and Matt Millen keeping his.

"What's Going On," Jim Mora: When reached for comment on Ford's announcement, former Colts coach had only this to say: " Layoffs??!! "

"Mercy, Mercy Me," Gary Kubiak: After being introduced as Texans' new head coach, former Denver assistant says he's "overwhelmed." Well, at least he should be able to relate to David Carr.

"Purple Snowflakes," Turin organizers: Blessed with two feet of natural snowfall, which should alleviate concerns about excessive smog. Bode Miller, though, still predicted that everybody at these Games would be dirty.

"Shop Around," Ron Artest: Indiana bad boy is finally traded to Sacramento for Peja Stojakovic. The Kings may have lost a Serb, but make no mistake: Artest will do his best to Balkanize this team.

"Please Mr. Postman," Kenneth J. Westcott: Mayor of Washington, Pa., announces town will temporarily change name to Steeler so that no one will confuse its rooting interest with that of Washington state. In a related development, the mayor of Cleveland announced his city will change its name to Steelerinjuries.

Benched: Justine Henin-Hardenne, Emily Hughes, Richard Hatch, Chris "Birdman" Andersen, equine herpes.