Love And Money

"Oh, Lord, I'll be waiting to see this," he answered.

A credit report is the most telling example of how a person handles money.

Think about it. Why would you feel uncomfortable sharing your credit report with the person you're engaged to? When you get married, you're going to be sharing every aspect of your life, so you shouldn't be embarrassed to show your loved one how you've managed your credit life, which can be key in getting insurance, a home loan, and even a job.

If you share reports, you will find out what one reader did: "My fiance has a wrecked credit history. He has $18,000 plus [in debts] and he isn't working to pay it off because he's a student and has no money. I know he will, but for now there's a pile of letters from collection agencies. I've told him no marriage till his debts are gone. In the meantime, I'm not supporting him either! I can't help but feel as if I'm being an ogre in some ways. Am I?"

I'll tell you what I told this woman. You're right to tell your man: "No romance without fixing your finances." Too many couples start off their married life with an enormous amount of debt. That's a lot of financial pressure on a new marriage.

At least this reader found out about her fiance's debt. I've heard from many women who are ashamed of their credit history. As a result, they hid it from their fiancés. When it comes to matters like this, don't lie. That includes lying by omission. The truth always comes out -- often during a mortgage-loan application. Is that really when you want your husband to find out you're tens of thousands of dollars in debt?

In addition, sharing credit reports will give you an opportunity to talk about premarital debt. With the reports and credit scores in hand, you can discuss your expectation if your loved one comes into the marriage with debt. For example, this reader asked: "If your spouse was a 'charge-aholic' before you got married, are you responsible for his debts after getting married? Can creditors attach commonly owned property?"

The answer to this woman's question is: It depends. In community property states, you could be held liable for debts your husband racked up as a single man. If you don't live in a community property state, you are liable for repayment of debts you both agreed to be responsible for -- a co-signed mortgage, credit cards, a car note.

But let's look at this woman's question more carefully. She's aware that her fiance has a credit issue and even calls him a "charge-aholic." She's worried about joint property being used to pay off debts he amassed when he was single. These are all red flags she shouldn't ignore. If she doesn't address this problem before she gets married, her new husband will take her down a dark debt road. And even if she isn't liable for his premarital debts, commonly held finances will be needed or diverted from other expenses to pay those bills. That's serious enough that the two of them should be doing some serious talking about their finances.

As soon as you begin having discussions about getting married or right after you get engaged, order your credit reports. Set a date to talk about them. Debt happens to the best of us. Come to the table prepared to discuss, not argue or yell.

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In 1981, 4 million wives made more than their husbands, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. By 2001, that number had more than doubled, to 8.1 million.