Super Bowl Scores Big, But It Doesn't Ad Up

In other words, people may have said they liked the magic fridge ad, but it apparently elicited very little response in emotional, reward-related and empathy-related areas of the brain. Or something like that.

Yesterday afternoon, ABC was dancing the happy dance upon learning that the episode of "Grey's Anatomy" that aired after "The Post-Super Bowl Blather Show" clocked more than 38 million viewers, by far the biggest audience for that show and the biggest audience for any entertainment program on TV since the very last episode of "Friends."

Helping "Grey's Anatomy," ABC made sure "The Post-Super Bowl Blather Show" wrapped up in time for "Grey's Anatomy" to kick in at 10:47.

The last time ABC aired the Super Bowl, in 2003, "TP-SBBS" lasted so long the Very Special Post-Super Bowl Episode of "Alias" didn't start until after 11, which technically threw it out of prime time and into late night. The result was that a Very Special Post-Super Bowl Episode of "Alias" wound up with only about 17 million viewers, making it the Worst Rated Very Special Post-Super Bowl Episode of Anything in Recent History.

ABC imposed a five-second delay on the entire telecast for the sake of the children of America. According to published reports, several ABC employees had their fingers on the bleep button in case someone lost an undergarment or said something that might turn America's children into juvenile delinquents, if not serial killers.

Someone like Mick Jagger, or Keith Richards, aka the Halftime Act.

But ABC suits did not have to put their digits to work, because the producer of the halftime show, Don Mischer, and the NFL had worked it out with the Rolling Stones that they would sing some of the racier lyrics in the three songs they performed, but Mischer would cut off Mick's mike during the offending bits.

So while the estimated 7 million kiddies ages 2 to 11 who watched the Super Bowl did get to see those slo-mo replays of that second-quarter "touchdown run" in which Ben Roethlisberger was tackled and the ball hit the ground short of the goal line, after which he is seen lifting the ball and putting it over the line, their little ears were protected from Jagger's play on roosters and male anatomy in the song "Rough Justice."

And while those nearly 7 million moppets got to enjoy the ad for Warner Bros.' new R-rated flick "V for Vendetta," which ran during the game, the mighty blade of Machete Enthusiast Mischer was there to save them from Jagger making his reference to a girl arousing a dead man in "Start Me Up."

And thank goodness for that.