In 2010, Vancouver Will Be ... Vancouver

By Norman Chad
Monday, February 13, 2006

The 2006 Winter Olympics are underway in Italy. Where in Italy? Well, as NBC Sports impresario Dick Ebersol likes to croon:

"You say tomato, I say tomahto, You say Turin, I say Torino"

Yes, you are watching the Torino Games, which immediately calls to mind the car that Starsky and Hutch used to drive.

Why Torino? That's what the town is called in Italian. Of course, NBC is broadcast mostly in English to America, where the dominant language -- with the possible exception of the White House -- remains English. And, in English, Torino is Turin.

But as Ebersol explained to reporters: "Torino just rolls off your mouth. . . . It has a romanticism to it. And I just thought that that was a wonderful way to name these Games."

Heck, if Ebersol had thought of it in time, the 2004 Summer Olympics would've been in Athinai.

So, in the name of ratings, Ebersol -- a longtime holdout to keeping the score of games on-screen all the time because he did not want, as he put it, "to provide a road map" to viewers to switch channels if the contest was one-sided -- has simply decided he can call a place anything he damn well pleases.

Thus, on all of NBC's Olympic telecasts -- on NBC, CNBC, MSNBC and USA -- Turin is Torino for the next two weeks. It's even possible Torino will show up subsequently on "ER," "Las Vegas" and "Fear Factor."

(By the way, I took in the Winter Games' Opening Ceremonies on NBC last week. I quickly found out that tiny Andorra has more mechanical ski lifts per inhabitant than any other nation, and, well, it was pretty much downhill after that. Within an hour or so, I switched to Animal Planet's "Best Dog-Friendly Destinations" special.)

Anyway, in Ebersol's defense, Torino does have a lovelier lilt to it than Turin. And, indeed, Italian is a much more beautiful language than English; doesn't the name Luciano Pavarotti just sound more melodious than, say, Diddy? Frankly, Ebersol could've gone further -- compare, for example, how much better NBC Sports commentators might sound if they said everything the Torino way instead of our way:

Bob Costas, prime-time host: Grazie per unirli qui a Torino, una brezza fredda introducenti il terzo giorno della ventesima Olympiade invernale, e siamo indietro a destra dopo questa rottura commerciale."

(Translation: "Thanks for joining us here in Turin, a stiff wind ushering in the third day of the 20th Winter Olympics, and we'll be back right after this commercial break.")

Tim Ryan, on Alpine skiing: "Il non convenzionali Bode Miller sono caduto, ma si alza. Ed è caduto ancora, ma si alza ancora, ed è giù ancora una volta, ma si alza ancora! Ed attraversa la linea di rivestimento nel tempe dell'annotazione del mondo -- uh, e quell'alcool odore I sul suo alito?"

("The unconventional Bode Miller has fallen down, but he gets up. And he's fallen down again, but he gets up again, and he's down yet again, but again he gets up! And he crosses the finish line in world record time -- uh, is that alcohol I smell on his breath?")

Don Chevrier, on curling: "Vogliatemi bene, un bene piccolino, un bene de bambino quale a me si conviene, vogliatemi bene."

("He swept the ice surface really well with that broom.")

Dick Button, figure skating commentator: "La mia qualita, che cosa un bello, strano, meraviglioso, sorprendente, grazioso, elegante, squisito, notevole, fantastico, magnifico, delizioso, glorioso, estasiando, tremendo, incredibile double axel triple salchow, il la cosa migliore che ho visto mai!!!"

("Wow!!!")

Ask The Slouch

Q. NBC and Disney were involved in a blockbuster trade in which NBC got Al Michaels and Disney got Ryder Cup rights and Olympic highlights for ESPN, plus Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. Is it true that Oswald, being a 10-plus year veteran, is holding up the deal? (Stu Tentoni; Delafield, Wis.)

A. Actually, this essentially was an Al Michaels-for-Oswald the Lucky Rabbit swap, and boy oh boy, what a lopsided trade. Michaels is younger, better-spoken and near his prime. As for Oswald the Lazy Rabbit -- the hare hasn't worked in at least 50 years -- trust me, he's no Bugs Bunny.

Q. If Janet Jones was making sports bets, doesn't Wayne Gretzky have to dump her ASAP? (Ronnie Lee; Oakland, Calif.)

A. To each his own -- one of the things that ended my first marriage was that she wouldn't make bets.

Q. I've heard that the World Series of Poker will be enacting a dress code. My question: How long do unemployment benefits run where you reside? (George Vary; Bethesda)

A. Sure, I buy my T-shirts at Target. What, I need to be Giorgio Armani to call a spade a spade?

Q. To me, watching bowling is a lot like omphaloskepsis -- you could look it up. (Frank Mason; Round Lake Beach, Ill.)

A. Yeah, I looked it up and I didn't much like it.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. E-mail asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!