la dolce vita

Summing Up Day 4

In the sweet life, there would be a Magic TV in every room.

Heck, our house comes close. We have five TVs, all equipped with VCRs, all busily whirring away during the 24 days we are away -- 24 days that happen to fall during sweeps month, which is a bad time to be gone if you are, say, the type of person who owns five TVs equipped with VCRs.

(So, is Jack Bauer under arrest at the moment? Has Martha forgiven the president, that weasel? Has Chloe gone commando? Because that is so going to happen this season.)

Sorry. Easily distracted. The Magic TV came to fame during the Athens Games, when we revealed to the world that unlike you poor people back home, we are able to watch actual sporting events, as they happen , off the closed-circuit Olympic feed.

(Logan and Veronica. When, oh Lord, when?)

Oops. Where were we? Oh, so, during Opening Ceremonies, when you had to listen to the (reportedly) nonstop yammering of Brian Williams, here is what we heard:

During the men's downhill, here is what we heard:

(Sound of cowbells.)

During the speedskating, here is what we heard:

(Sound of bad techno music.)

Okay, so the Magic TV is not without flaws. What it has is three channels of curling, two channels of hockey, a ski jumping channel, three Alpine channels, a luge channel, a freestyle channel, a snowboarding channel, a pretty channel -- so named because it shows pretty scenes of Turin, no mean feat in itself -- and a channel that is shared by figure skating and short-track speedskating (and if those two sports could be combined, that would be the ratings coup of the century -- a delicious recipe of hissy fits and elbows and sequined helmets).

(Speaking of which: Has Paula Abdul begun her annual meltdown on "Idol" yet? Anyone thrown water on Simon? C'mon, talk to me, people!)

Anyway. On Day 4, the Magic TV took me to the halfpipe (Channel 19), where we could hear the American women chatter with each other as they attempted, and nearly achieved, a sweep.

We watched a lot of men's speedskating (Channel 5), because, you know, the thighs. They are oddly mesmerizing as they churn around that oval.

We checked in on the curling (Channels 7, 8 and 9; curling is the HBO of the closed-circuit feed), because seriously, that's a lot of fun. Big win for the U.S. men in their opener; tough loss in the evening.

And we finished up the day -- as you did at home, we're sure -- watching the pairs. Ah, the pairs. The romance, the perfectly matched couples, the . . .

( McDreamy , Meredith, Izzie, Alex, Cristina, Burke , George, oh, and Bailey's baby . . . anything?)

Fine, fine. But when the sweet life upgrades to five Magic TVs with VCRs, none of you is invited over.

MARIE REINE'S DAY: Covered television screen with her best fur as pairs final aired on EuroSport.

-- Tracee Hamilton

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"They're all groovy."

-- U.S. Nordic director Luke Bodensteiner , apparently reached for comment in the 1960s, about cross-country skiers Kikkan Randall and Leif Zimmerman being cleared to compete after sitting out five days due to high hemoglobin levels