Spinoff Titles From the Abramoff Scandal

· "I Don't Know Jack" -- a federal employee who works in an agency's legislative affairs shop. His rationale: "It's a phrase many members of Congress and their staffs would never have uttered previously but are now repeating to anyone who will listen."

· "The Influenceza Pandemic" -- Rockville lawyer Steve Bienstock .

· "The Signatures Syndrome" (after Abramoff's now-closed restaurant) -- "an unindicted Republican lobbyist."

Suggestions we liked that the judges didn't included "Trail of Lears" and, simply, "Our Town."

Thanks to our judges: Washington Post Style features editor Ann Gerhart , polling director Richard Morin and national staff writer David Finkel .

And thanks to all entrants, and congratulations to the winners.

No Contest at Veep's Expense

Note: Despite many suggestions, earnest requests, even poems, we have decided there will be no Loop contest to name Vice President Cheney 's hunting accident. The late-night big dogs and most every punster have already weighed in. Also, we don't want readers suffering from contest fatigue. Besides, by the time entries are in and judged, it's possible, just possible, Cheney will have publicly, in person, aired his regrets. Well, maybe not.

Making Lemonade From Birdshot

Spin of the Week prize goes to former Cheney spokeswoman Mary Matalin for this one: "He felt badly, obviously. On the other hand, he was not careless or incautious or violate any of the [rules]," she said. Though some -- hunting experts, a National Rifle Association affiliate, and the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department -- might think otherwise, Cheney "didn't do anything he wasn't supposed to do," she said.

No. Other than shoot someone in the face.

Is Brownie Invited?

Don't forget! Tonight, at the Tortilla Coast, "Please join the staff" of the House bipartisan committee investigating the fumbled response to Hurricane Katrina, our invitation reads, "As we celebrate the release of 'A Failure of Initiative.' "

The government failed. New Orleans drowned. Party on.

Easy Targets

And on Saturday, Cheney won't be there, but don't forget to wear your orange vests for a "Pheasant Hunt" "to support Scott Walker ," the executive of Milwaukee County running against Rep. Mark Green in the GOP primary for Wisconsin governor.

The hunt starts at 12:45 p.m. at the Wern Valley Hunt Club in Waukesha. "Cost: $500. Includes 10 birds, guide dogs, lunch, and campaign contribution." (Ambulance not included.) Y'all be careful now.

Catching Up . . .

Louisville lawyer Robert Irwin Cusick Jr. , has been tapped to fill the long-vacant (more than two years and counting) job of director of the Office of Government Ethics. He chairs the Kentucky Bar Association's ethics rule drafting committee and was on the association's ethics committee.

White House domestic policy chief Claude A. Allen , most recently seen in the president's box at the State of the Union speech, "has resigned to spend more time with his family," last week's announcement said. Allen was the administration's top-ranking African American aide and had worked for years for former senator Jesse Helms (R-N.C.).