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Open Dialogue Is Key For Parents of Gay Son

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Imagine what it's like to hear all those homophobic jokes that ricochet through every high school every day, or to ask the girl next door to your senior prom when you really want to ask her brother.

It has taken great courage for your son to grow up gay and even greater courage for him to come out in the open, especially to the people he loves best. Some guys can never do that.

You and your husband can help your son enormously by being as open with him as he has been with you. It's okay to ask him if he has ever been sexually attracted to a girl or when he first suspected that he might be gay, because these are the kinds of questions you might ask any friend who told you he was gay.

You also need to tell your son that it is as important for homosexuals to use condoms as it is for heterosexuals, no matter how much he trusts his partner or his partner trusts him. No one has the right to sabotage another person's health.

You and your son should also contact the National Youth Advocacy Coalition at http://www.nyacyouth.org to find a reliable teen support group for gay males and lesbians, because he undoubtedly has questions that only other teenagers can answer.

Therapy should also be a good support for you and your husband, and possibly for your son, too, but only if the counselor is kind and experienced in this field. You'll probably get the best support of all, however, from PFLAG -- Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays -- as well as bisexual and transgendered people. Click on http://www.pflag.org to find the listings of hundreds of support groups and free meetings across the country.

To learn more from books, read "Lesbian & Gay Youth" by Caitlin Ryan and Donna Futterman (Columbia, $30.50), "Homosexuality and the Family," edited by Frederick W. Bozett (Harrington Park, $22.95) and "Lesbian and Gay Families Speak Out" by Jane Levy Drucker (Perseus, $16). These books will inform your mind and calm your fears.

Questions? Send them toadvice@margueritekelly.comor to Box 15310, Washington, D.C. 20003.


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