Love on the Back Burner

In Love: His last girlfriend "just didn't know what the schedules of chefs were like. She'd call at 1:30 in the morning and ask where I was. Well, I got off from work 45 minutes ago, so I was at the Rite Aid. It didn't occur to her that it would be completely normal for somebody to come home at 1:30 in the morning, act like it's 6 in the afternoon, make something to eat, sit there and watch a half-hour of TV and call it a night. And that's an early night."

At Home: He cooks "pretty simple stuff" for himself and would ease in a girlfriend with easy, home-cooked meals. "I usually don't go full-blown out in the beginning of a relationship. You don't want to spend 10 hours cooking, make all this stuff and find out she doesn't like it. It's just like dating -- you start out slow."

The Bottom Line: "It would be nice if I could meet people in a normal -- or different -- way. But what's a normal way? I have no clue."

GRAHAM BARTLETT, 29, executive chef at Zengo in Chinatown:

At Work: 85 to 90 hours each week; started in the business at age 15.

"I'm not so fatalistic to think that there's no alternative. But for now, I'm so excited about what I do. I couldn't miss the action, the adrenaline."

In Love: He cites conflicting hours as a big reason for the demise of his most recent relationship -- and his subsequent move from Denver to Washington. "We started out in the same business, and she wanted to do something outside the industry. A couple of years down the road, it became problematic."

At Home: He says his most serious relationship right now is with food, but that doesn't mean it will always be his only love. "I even dreamed about it last night. I was carrying a case of apples, and there was a beautiful woman in front of me, and I threw it down. I guess that means I wanted the woman more than the apples."

The Bottom Line: He says he knows plenty of happily married chefs, but "it's not to say that we're not lonely souls or anything. If your significant other has a more 9-to-5 schedule, then it's going to be rough on your relationship. . . . . A lot of chefs that I know go AWOL when they meet a girl and never come back."

AMY FOSTER, 23, pastry chef at Tallula in Arlington:

At Work: "I usually work at least 50 [hours], but last week it was 75 because somebody quit.

"I love what I do . . . With love, whatever happens, happens. You just have to deal with it as it comes."

In Love: She recently ended a two-year relationship with a chef whose schedule was opposite her own. "It was ridiculous. I was working 7 a.m. to 5 p.m., and he would work 1 p.m. until late at night, so the only times we would see each other was if I had a day off or if he had a day off." So they left each other lots of notes: "It's kind of corny, but it worked. And it was always nice to go home and say, 'Oh, there's a note for me!' It was our way of communicating."

She's wondered what her life would be like if she married a chef and is uncertain if she even wants to date another one. "If we have kids, what do you do with the kids? When do you spend time together as a family? If I was working days and he was working nights, would we do a tradeoff?" (Her parents both worked at McDonald's when she was a child and did just that. )

At Home: She's wiped out by the time she gets home after work and says the last thing she wants to do is prepare a meal. But she's hopeful that won't always be the case. "Cooking is a very personal thing. When you have someone special to cook for, it is a big deal. I would definitely do it then, but for me, when I go home, peanut butter and jelly is fantastic."

The Bottom Line: "Whichever way things go, I think it will all work out. If I marry someone in the industry or if I marry someone who isn't in the industry, I think we'll make it work."

Korin Miller, whose longtime boyfriend is a chef, writes the Names & Faces column for Style.