La dolce vita

Summing Up Day 17

Nothing says the end of the Olympics like the sound of packing tape being torn.

The goodbye noises of the Games filled the media center today as gleeful journalists bounded, hither and yon, saying their goodbyes and comparing their itineraries and discussing Beijing and Vancouver and anything but Turin, which said a rather mystifying goodbye to the world last night with the biggest assortment of oddball costumes ever seen anywhere outside the Grammy red carpet.

Oh, right, it was Carnevale . Yes, that's certainly what these Games most resembled -- a giant carnival. Giving the athletes red clown noses to wear as they filed into the Olympic Stadium last night was so . . . appropriate that it's almost too easy to mock. Almost.

The Closing Ceremonies are supposed to be a celebration of the host country's culture. And if Salt Lake City can stage a pickup truck ballet, what are a few thousand acrobats, clowns and fire-jugglers, more or less?

For which Fellini film was "YMCA" used as the theme song, just out of curiosity? Oh, right, "8 1/2 ."

Ah, well, the Italians' inexplicable love of some of our country's worst music is one of their endearing qualities. The other is their love of, for lack of a more delicate way of putting it, dragging things out until you think you'll beat yourself over the head with a salami until you pass out, just to escape.

There, that's my reviewer's quote for Closing Ceremonies: "You'll beat yourself over the head with a salami until you pass out, just to escape!" Which the IOC will then edit to read, "Salami until you pass out!"

The only thing that made me look at the last hour was Barry Svrluga's exclamation, "Is that Johnny Depp?" Whiplash for nothing. Barry won't be covering the Oscars any time soon.

The Closing Ceremonies were a lot like an Italian meal, without the great food. Dinner here is an endless experience (or so I vaguely recall from Feb. 8). Your hosts will often supplement your own copious order with dishes they think you might enjoy, or dishes they have too many of, whatever. After eating for about three hours, the pursuit of the bill begins. You beg them to bring the check. You beg them to take your credit card. You beg them to bring back the receipt for you to sign. You beg them to return your credit card. You are so hungry from the begging, you order another course. The waiter is thrilled. "Table turnover" does not translate to Italian.

But at last the long night, and the Games, have ended like so many nights end, with 400 brides -- told you! -- blowing out one giant candle. And then it was over, and everyone was escaping into the night and leaving the poor exhausted Italians in peace.

Until tomorrow, when all the women here descend on the outlet stores to try to pick up one of those wedding gowns at half price.

CHAIR FINALE: Bring me the bouquet, drape that medal around my neck and hand me that little plastic cup, for I have won the chair competition, with two broken chairs to my credit. Oh, they all tried to top me. Saturday night, several colleagues -- I won't name names, it was so beneath them, but let's say SJ, MW and AS -- decided to perform various figure skating moves in their chairs. One female columnist has a particularly stunning Bielman spin. Although they won the judges' hearts, they failed to break any chairs. I should also point out that my chairs were broken in the course of my duties. And therefore expense-able, I'm pretty sure.

MARIE REINE'S DAY: Thwarted in her attempt to sneak into the Closing Ceremonies as the 401st bride, Marie wanders the Turin streets, her white gown dragging through the muddy streets, her tears barely visible in the dim glow of the streetlamps. A vendor takes pity on the bedraggled Frenchwoman and offers her a cold piece of pizza. Raising it in the evening mist, she declares, "As God is my witness, I'll see you all in Vancouver."

-- Tracee Hamilton

QUOTE OF THE GAMES

The winner and undisputed champion of these Olympics, and possibly all Olympics:

"Me, it's been an awesome two weeks. I got to party and socialize at an Olympic level."

-- U.S. skier Bode Miller , after going an awesome 0 for 5 in Alpine events