ASK AMY

Sister, I know exactly what you are talking about; you are not alone.

I shared your letter with Marla Paul, author of "The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making and Keeping Friends When You're Not a Kid Anymore" (Rodale, 2004).

Paul says: "There are lots of women in your situation who are also looking for pals. The trick is to find them. Consider finding friends at your new job.

"Follow your passions and interests at a class, a club, a career organization or a women's discussion group. You'll get to know people faster if it meets once a week. You could also start a group for women in your field.

"Be open to friendships with older women. They're not encumbered by kids and have more time for relationships. Try more than one group and keep showing up, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Work on projects and committees with people and get to know them."

I would add that when you are looking for activities, make sure that they are participatory. Attending a lecture or class won't be as conducive to meeting others as a discussion group, arts club or athletic group would be.

Dear Amy:

As parents of two high school children, we are doing intensive college research.

We've been to a couple of seminars dealing with the basics but would also like to get advice from family and friends.

In terms of the financial part, we are a little leery to ask family and friends how they financed college.

Do you think asking people how they put their kids through college is getting too personal? How would you ask?

College Parents-to-Be