Men Learn To Leave Legacies In Writing

With the help of a class at church, Larry Sanders wrote a letter to his wife, Jeannie. "This is what the love of a good man sounds like," she said. (By Stephanie Yao -- Religion News Service)

"But now," Vaughn said, "we yearn for deeper relationships."

As he travels the country, talking in churches, Vaughn said he asks the men gathered for barbecued ribs or a pancake breakfast whether any of them have such a letter from their fathers.

Out of the usual 50 or 60 guys, he said, one or two raise their hands. "And then I offer them a check for $10,000 if they'll give up the letters without keeping copies and never be able to read them again," he said. "No one will ever sell it to me."

That standing offer has become one of his best selling points, Vaughn said. "On the darkest day of your children's lives," he tells his audiences, "they deserve something better. They deserve a letter about your hopes, dreams and desires for each of them. It will change their lives."

Larry and Jeannie Sanders say "Letters From Dad" has changed their lives. Sanders, who doesn't remember writing more than brief notes and cards to his wife, spent three weeks and eight to 10 hours drafting a letter to her.

He had all the usual excuses, he said. His handwriting wasn't very good, he didn't know where to start, he couldn't imagine saying all he had to say in one page, not even in five or six. Who, he wondered, has time to write that much?

Sanders said he overcame every obstacle with the help of Vaughn's curriculum, which includes his book, "Letters From Dad," a DVD, "The Lost Art of Letter Writing," and a notebook full of sample letters, blank stationery and envelopes.

The materials are for sale at http://www.lettersfromdad.com , priced either separately or at $95 for the whole package. Many churches offer scholarships to men who can't afford the course. But for Sanders, the cost became a symbol of his commitment.

It took him a few weeks to work up the courage to read his letter to Jeannie to the men in his class. "I was worried that it might sound too mushy," he said.

His fellow letter-writers loved it. "Don't change a word," they said.

In September, Sanders read his letter to Jeannie, 40, on their 13th anniversary, and gave her a copy to keep. "Beloved Jeannie," the letter begins, "Without you, my beloved, my life was sinking in a whirlpool of despair, but together we have overcome enough tragedy to sink a thousand marriages and I can honestly say, Jeannie, today I love you more than I ever have."

Jeannie's eyes filled with tears as he read it to her, as they have the four or five times she has read it since. "I fell in love with him all the more," she said. She was so touched by the letter that she showed it to her parents -- who, Sanders jokes, have had him "on probation" for most of the years he has been married to their daughter.

"This is what the love of a good man sounds like," she told them.

Sanders has written a last letter, too, and is still working on ones to his children and his parents, with whom, he said, he has had "issues."

"One of the hardest things to do," he said, "is to deal with the issues, but not in the letter. A letter is supposed to be a blessing to the one who receives it, not just to stir up the pot." He learned that, he said, in the class.

Vaughn said the course helps men realize that they need to leave behind more than a fishing pole, and it gives them the tools to do it. Most men won't back away from a challenge to be a better husband, a better father, a better son, especially if someone offers to help.

"Every guy knows what he ought to do," Sanders said. "Learning how to do it takes a little time."