The Gridiron's Betters, Skewered With a Butter Knife

By Linton Weeks
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, March 12, 2006

Ask members of the Gridiron Club -- a group of mostly senior reporters who staged their annual dinner at the Capital Hilton last night -- why it exists and you'll usually get three answers. 1) It's a rare venue for biting humor. 2) Politicians are off-duty and, therefore, will do and say outrageous things. 3) Journalists are off-duty and, therefore, will do and say outrageous things.

But the truth is: These things aren't true anymore.

Satire is everywhere. And in places like Don Imus's morning radio show and Jon Stewart's "Daily Show," politicians and journalists will say or do all manner of ridiculous thing to get airtime. Politicians are never off-duty. Neither are journalists. And now that journalists are power brokers and politicians have their own talk shows and Web sites, the two groups pretty much run in the same circles.

Still the dinner went on. And official Washington arrived, often unescorted. Men in white tie and tails. Some in boots. Women in comfortable shoes. Safe dresses with a touch of glitter, very little skin. There was Madeleine Albright in black sequins, unescorted. There was Rep. Steny Hoyer alone in his tails. And Mayor Anthony Williams with no wife and no mother.

There was Sen. George Allen in tails and black cowboy boots.

For 121 years, the dinner has been for Washington pols and press "a place for them to relax and tell stories," said Gridiron President John Hall, an affair where people could let their hair down and crack a few jokes without having to pay for it politically.

President Bush spoke. Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois spoke for the Democrats. Lynne Cheney, wife of the vice president, spoke for Republicans. Most of the evening was taken up by journalists -- and on-key ringer singers -- doing song parodies of recent news events: New Orleans, the Iraq war, Cheney's hunting mishap.

Ha. Ha.

How shocking is it to know that there was irreverent humor on such subjects as FEMA, NSA wiretapping and Dubai? That between the Marine Corps Band opener and the first course of crab and oven-roasted tomato tian there'd be cracks about cowboy-meets-cowboy movies and the Jack Abramoff lobbying scandal?

The Washington-as-Broadway-style-revue idea is so quaint, it makes the Capitol Steps seem hip and Mark Russell as relevant as 50 Cent. The real world has bypassed the Gridiron Dinner like it was a Yugo dealership.

This being a classic Washington office party, nobody ever really gets drunk and dances on the table, but the idea is for the 65 members and the 600 or so guests to lighten up, loosen up, show a little menschitude -- let the world know that Washington is not the stuffiest, most uptight city in the world.

For some asinine reason, reporters are not allowed to report on the dinner. But since reporters are involved, information does leak out.

Granted, some skits -- seen at rehearsal -- were pretty funny. Helen Thomas dressed up in green curtains, complete with long brass drapery rod across her back, as Scarlett O'Hara/Hillary Clinton. She sang: "All I want is a plantation, Big White House paid by taxation. A Hil'ry coronation, Oh, wouldn't it be loverly."

Tim Russert, making his first appearance as a new member, decked out in a blue dress and a shiny blond wig as one of the cable news bunnies. But there were also some true clunkers. Singing about torture, subbing "rendition" for "tradition" and borrowing the "Fiddler on the Roof" song was not funny at all. The chumminess of the politicos and the press corps can be cloying.

The evening began with an a cappella chorus and the Marine Corps Band. Celebrities in the audience included actor William Devane, who plays the secretary of defense on "24," Ron Silver from "The West Wing," former senator Fred Thompson, now on "Law & Order," and NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue.

And Vice President Cheney, who was the butt of many jokes.

Obama told the formally attired crowd, "They're serving drinks and I'm about 30 yards from the vice president." Then he riffed a little on the Olympic Games and said of the biathlon: "Not your sport, Mr. Vice President."

The Gridiron Club, said Hall, is for those "who say there is only a grim and troubled solution to any problem. Laughter is the best balm for difficulty."

Asked if the experience was everything he thought it might be, Russert said, "It's the zenith. It's the pinnacle."

In the spirit of the evening, Bush said he told Cheney:

"Dick, I've got an approval rating of 38 percent and you shoot the only trial lawyer in the country who likes me.

"You know there are all these conspiracy theories that Dick runs the country . . . or Karl [Rove] runs the country. Why aren't there any conspiracy theories that I run the country? Really ticks me off. The truth is that I do run the country . . . but Dick runs me and Lynne runs Dick. So actually Lynne runs the country. And Lynne, I think you're doin' a heckuva job. Although I have to say you dropped the ball big time on that Dubai deal."

And: "By the way, when Dick first heard my approval rating was 38 percent, he said, 'What's your secret?' "

Staff writer DeNeen L. Brown contributed to this report.