Squeezed in the 'Sopranos' Ratings Racket

Sunday's battle between ABC's ratings giant "Desperate Housewives" and HBO's cultural phenom "The Sopranos" appears to have left both parties looking a little like that scene from the "Sopranos" season debut -- one cowering in the bedroom closet, the other a bloody mess on the kitchen floor.

Oh, and if you're one of those who go all teenage girl on us when we "reveal" these plot points about an episode of a series that has already aired and "ruin" it for you because you had saved the episode on your (fill in the gadget) to watch later in the week/month/year/quarter/decade, please be advised that The TV Column waits for no man.

On the one side, "Housewives" appears to have pulled in its smallest audience since December '04 -- about 22 million viewers. That's down a little more than 1 million viewers compared with the last time it aired, three weeks ago.

In fairness, "DH" has pulled in numbers nearly that small several times since December '04, like 22.5 million in January, 22.3 million in February '05.

Still, the lower numbers came as a surprise to some. Such as those industry pundits who speculated late last week that the return of "DH," after two weeks off to make room for the "Dancing With the Stars" finale and the Academy Awards, would hold up well against the much ballyhooed return of "Sopranos," if for no other reason than because of the suspiciously timed Vanity Fair cover story in which "Housewives" hottie Teri Hatcher comes clean on how she got guilted into stepping forward -- in 2002 -- about allegedly being abused by her uncle as a child.

On the other side, less is available about the performance of "The Sopranos"; early stats show a huge turnout in New York City, but declines in other markets compared with the HBO show's previous season debut -- way back in March '04. Based on those early metered-market stats, it would appear the mob drama also took a hit on Sunday compared with its previous season debut audience of about 12 million.

The metered markets represent roughly 70 percent of the U.S. television households.

In the season opener of "Sopranos," Uncle Junior, now several sandwiches short of a picnic, gets confused and thinks he's shooting his old enemy Pussy Malanga, only it's his nephew Tony; then he runs and hides in his closet, Junior thespian Dominic Chianese explained to "Sopranos" newcomers in a chat on washingtonpost.com yesterday morning.

"He, Junior, was disco-bobulated," Chianese said during the chat, adding later, "I think he knows he did something wrong, but he's not sure what it is and it's frightened him and so he hides. It's kind of pathetic -- at least that's the way I played it."

Tony thankfully forgot his cell phone, elsewise we wouldn't have got to see that great last scene, in which he crawls for about a week to the kitchen to call 911 on the phone and then passes out, or maybe just passes.