A Comedy of Terrors
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Boss enters room: "Hey, everybody! I think we need a morale boost around here. Don't you? Come on! Come on over. Pull up a chair!"
[Office workers look at one another. Eyes roll. They awkwardly slide into place around a conference table.]
Boss to group: "I know I'm the boss, but that's not saying the rest of you don't bring something to the table, don't have some skills. Today I will tell you what you mean to this office."
[Uncomfortable glances between co-workers.]
Boss starts pointing at people, stopping at one fellow: "You've got a legal background. And you are our IT go-to guy."
Boss turns to Heather Boyce, an employee in human resources: "You bring nothing. . . . " Boss prepares to move on to next person.
Workers gasp. Some interject: "Wait just a minute. . . . " Boyce jumps in: "What are you talking about?!"
Boss stumbles. "Uh, well, I just mean you came straight here from college."
[ Silence. Boyce came to the office two years ago. ]
Boss: "But you've got enthusiasm! Yes, you bring enthusiasm."
After the impromptu anti-morale booster, Boyce retreats to desk to add scenario to the list of bad-boss tactics she and co-workers secretly keep.
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