From Tai Shan, With Love

Tai Shan removed his cap and took a folded piece of well-worn newsprint from inside. He smoothed it out and pointed his distinctive thumb at the name of his true love.

"Judge Leonie M. Brinkema !?" I shouted. "You're in love with the judge in the most famous court case in Washington? Are you crazy?! How did you two ever meet?"

Tai Shan looked down at his feet. "I haven't actually met her. I've only read about her. Some of the zookeepers leave their old newspapers in the panda exhibit, and every day it seems there's another story about Judge Leonie M. Brinkema. She's some kind of wonderful, I tell you. Judge Leonie M. Brinkema is my reason for laughing, for crying, for living and for dying."

I began to suspect that the keepers kept a radio tuned to the oldies station.

"Look, Tai Shan, I don't mean to rain on your parade, but this will never work. For starters, Judge Leonie M. Brinkema is a human ."

"You mean, she's not a panda?" asked Tai Shan, astonished.

"Have you ever actually seen her?" I demanded.

"Well, no. Only drawings." He pointed at the courtroom sketch printed in the paper. "She looks like a panda: black and white, kind of rounded."

I sighed. "Those are her black judge's robes. The white is the little frilly neckerchief thing that female lawyers of a certain vintage strap on. Trust me, she's 100 percent human."

Tai Shan shook his head. "I'm sure if I was able to smell her," he said, miserably.

"What's more," I said, "I think she's married."

Tai Shan fixed me with a steely gaze. "To tell you the truth, that's not so much of a deal-breaker for me. What's more, I think you're being speciesist. Just because she's a human and I'm a giant panda, why should that matter? Shouldn't I follow my heart, no matter where it takes me?"