From Tai Shan, With Love

(James A. Parcell -- The Washington Post)

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I had never seen someone so deep in the throes of lovesickness. But it was no use. Tai Shan was just setting himself up for a fall. I had to let him down easy. "It's like this, Tai Shan," I started, but the little fellow was looking over my shoulder distractedly.

I turned to see what he was staring at. It was a selection of greeting cards labeled "Professions of Love for Judge Leonie M. Brinkema." They were sorted by species: anteaters, Burmese pythons, coati-mundi, humans, naked mole rats, rock hyraxes, stoats, golden lion tamarins . . .

Tai Shan grabbed a card in the "Pandas, Giant" section, scanned it quickly, then thrust it into my hands. "What about this one?" he said.

On the front was a giant panda surrounded by hearts. Inside were these words:

Judge Leonie M. Brinkema,

Please tell me what you thinkema.

I don't want to raise a stinkema,

Just tell me how you feel.

I may only be a panda

But you have to understanda

That I want to hold your handa

And feed you bamboo, peeled.

P.S: Do you like me?

- yes - no (check one)