'Evidence': An Airtight Case; 'Heist': Unbelievable Rip-Off

Later, perhaps as some misbegotten tribute to Quentin Tarantino and a scene in "Reservoir Dogs" (Mr. Pink, Mr. Blue, etc.), the crooks make big dumb deals out of what they prefer to be called. A glamorous toughie named Lola slugs a guy in the jaw for daring to refer to her as "baby." An old man later pounds the same guy for calling him "mothball."

"They call me Pops," says the geezer. For an instant I thought he was going to say, "They call me Mister Tibbs." Then comes James, who introduces himself to the rest of the gang thus: "My name for your purposes is James. Never 'Jimmy,' never 'Jim,' and never ever 'Jimbo.' " Clearly these are crooks with too much time on their hands.

You half-expect that comic of long ago to pop up and do his once-famous bit "Now you can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me R.J. . . . "

Le grand heist has a token resemblance to the one in "Ocean's 11." The gang plans to rob three Rodeo Drive jewelry stores on the night of the Academy Awards, when everybody is all atwitter and not paying attention. But the thieves rob banks, too, and blowing up poor innocent pizza boys is part of their planning. The first pizza boy is played by Zac Efron, who recently scored a smash in the Disney Channel movie "High School Musical."

Efron should have enough faith in his career to make a vow: No more pizza boys who go boom on crummy cop shows.

The cast includes Marika Dominczyk as Lola and Michele Hicks as Amy; they are living reminders that in television, only women who look like top Vogue models go into the business of solving crimes or committing them. Billy Gardell is insufferable as a big-bellied racist cop and Seymour Cassel clings desperately to his dignity, while perhaps dreaming of a compensating paycheck, in the role of Mothball. Er -- Pops.

ABC's "Evidence" is not a revolution in TV crime-solving, but it deserves a chance. "Heist" seems derivative of an imitation of a copy of a clone -- so plastic-coated and phony that it's hard to tell what it's ripping off.

The Evidence (one hour) debuts tonight at 10 on Channel 7; Heist (one hour) debuts at 10 on Channel 4.