Mired in Diplo-Gobbledygook

For many of us, diplo-speak is merely jargon-laden, meaningless or gibberish. And that's even when the individual words are actually in English.

But things became worse than usual last week when some Capitol Hill types received a letter from Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice urging lawmakers to "support . . . legislative changes that would broaden and deepen our emerging strategic partnership with India."

During President Bush 's trip to India, she wrote, the two countries "agreed to work cooperatively in areas as diverse as agriculture, defense, health . . . and enhanced defense cooperation." But the "major achievement" was the "historic agreement on civil nuclear cooperation," she said, attaching a 21-page electronic file explaining the "many benefits for the United States."

The "nukes for mangos" agreement has sparked intense and bipartisan condemnation. For example, former GOP presidential candidate Patrick J. Buchanan said that "the U.S. negotiators capitulated to all of India's demands, lest Bush leave New Delhi with nothing to show for a trip halfway around the world but an agreement to import mangos." (Buchanan apparently is unaware of how incredibly tasty those Indian mangos are.) Former senator Sam Nunn (D-Ga.) said the agreement "certainly does not curb in any way the proliferation of weapons-grade nuclear material." Others claimed the deal undermines the Non-Proliferation Treaty.

Not at all, Rice wrote the lawmakers. "This is a strong net gain for our non-proliferation agenda." Then there was this on Page 20:

Segiphu $lvndgh? Well. Can't argue with that.

Win-Win Situation?

The Bush folks have always been keen on family values. Now the Houston Chronicle reports that former first lady Barbara Bush donated a chunk of money -- it's unknown how much -- to the Bush-Clinton Katrina Fund "with specific instructions that the money be spent with an educational software company owned by her son Neil."

"Since then, the Ignite Learning program has been given to eight [Houston] area schools that took in substantial numbers of Hurricane Katrina evacuees," the Chronicle reported Wednesday.

"Mrs. Bush wanted to do something specifically for education and specifically for the thousands of students flooding into the Houston schools," Jean Becker , President George H.W. Bush 's chief of staff, told the paper. She knew that the Houston school district "was using this software program, and she's very excited about this program, so she wanted to make it possible for them to expand the use of this program."

Unclear how the charitable deduction works out on this fine move.

Bush Q&Praise

President Bush , who's been touting his Iraq policy across the country this week, "is at his best when he's answering real and difficult questions from a cross section of Americans," White House communications director Nicolle Wallace said a few days ago.

So some congressional Democrats were wondering whether his Q&A on Wednesday in Wheeling, W.Va., must have shown him at his worst.

"I thank God that you're our commander in chief," one questioner began. "You're a man for our times. . . . And I'm a supporter of yours. . . . And God bless you, and I thank you for your service."

Then another hardball from the audience: "Do you like living in the White House?"

Another listener fired: "I want to let you know that every service at our church, you are by name lifted up in prayer -- and you and your staff and all of our leaders. And we believe in you. We are behind you. And we cannot thank you enough for what you've done to shape our country. . . ."

Bush was earning his salary that day.