From Her Lips to His Ear

· Make sure your husband hears outside opinions. The Iraq war is consuming his presidency and nobody has a good solution. This requires getting the best minds in the country together and listening to them. The recent photo op of the president with all the secretaries of state received much derision because, his critics say, the president didn't really want to hear what they had to say; he just wanted to look as if he did.

· Form an alliance with Karl Rove. Senior Republicans say he's interested in change. He takes the long view, and midterm elections are around the corner.

· Convince the president that polls do matter. As former White House counselor David Gergen (the only person who would go on the record) put it: "Without the support of the people, you can't make the tough call on Iran or Iraq or any tough calls." And during an election year, members of Congress listen to their constituents.

· Tell him to throw out the Kool-Aid. "The White House is not a cult," said one high-ranking former White House staffer. "Everybody vibrates in harmony over there," complained another.

· Stress the importance of new blood. Nancy persuaded the president to get rid of Donald Regan and bring in Howard Baker, Frank Carlucci and Ken Duberstein. This doesn't have to be seen as a vote of no confidence in the staff as much as a reprieve. Chief of Staff Andy Card is one of the most well-liked people in Washington. But he has been on an inhuman schedule for five years, and he reportedly covets the job of Treasury secretary. "He is a wonderful, decent, nice guy, but you need an SOB in that job now," said one Republican who served in the Reagan administration.

"You don't need a kibitzer," said another. "You need somebody with credibility, integrity, someone known on the Hill and in the press with management capability."

· Tell George to listen to his Cabinet officers. Except for those in State and Defense, they are chopped liver, out of the loop, no seat at the table, John Snow in particular. Why have a secretary of the Treasury if you're not going to listen to him?

· Because the war is going so badly, a number of Republicans think it's time for Donald Rumsfeld to go. Even those who like him say that as the architect of the war, he is not the one to turn it around. Some suggest a conservative-leaning Democrat like Sam Nunn or Joe Lieberman would be a smart move. Whether it's the secretary of defense or some other job, perhaps you could persuade the president to bring in a Democrat. "That would give you protection against Democratic attacks and restore bipartisan spirit," said Gergen.

· And remind your husband to pay some attention to Congress. Republicans on the Hill feel excluded from the decision-making process. "Listen to Democrats, too," said a Republican. "They don't have horns."

Last week, Howard Baker suggested bringing in former senator Fred Thompson as a liaison to Congress, but many felt that wouldn't make a difference because it wasn't getting rid of anybody. "Anybody who really knows this crowd wouldn't take the job," said one former White House adviser.

· Tell him to take responsibility for his actions. In his news conference Tuesday, he gave different explanations for the war in Iraq, but never mentioned WMD. Even if he still believes invading Iraq was the right thing, he could still acknowledge that one of the reasons his administration gave at the time was wrong. That would go a long way toward clearing the air.

With three years to go in this presidency, something has to change. You've always been there when he needed you. You got him to stop drinking. You campaigned hard for him at the end of the first campaign. Your own poll numbers are off the charts. You need to persuade him to make changes, and to do it in a way that the people believe he means it.

Remember, it's your legacy, too.