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Week 655: Laughing Inside
And the Winner of the Inker
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
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1 "Moby-Dick and Flipper": After killing the whale that cost him his leg, Captain Ahab pursues the dolphin that once splashed him at Sea World. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
Not Entirely Devoid of Merit
"Back to the Future": John DeLorean steals his namesake time machine to persuade his younger self to stay at GM, changing history so the DeLorean car no longer exists. Doc Brown and Marty McFly instead use a Ford Pinto, with tragic results. (John Johnston, St. Inigoes)
"Harry Potter": Late in the seventh book Harry learns he has a twin brother, Larry, who was separated from him at birth. Larry then tells Harry the story of his life, in extraordinary detail, through a whole new series of books, movies, action figures and backpacks. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
"Brokeback Jungle": After Tarzan/Lord Greystoke returns to civilization, he meets Jane's brother James. Tarzan then experiences feelings he doesn't fully understand, although he has seen this sort of thing once or twice back among the bonobos . . . (Douglas Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
"Cast Away Too": A pair of fishnet stockings washes ashore on the island. Wilson the volleyball, longing for net, calls them Ginger and Mary Ann. These three disappear to the other side of the island, leaving the stranded FedEx engineer to seek solace from Little Buddy Coconut. (Wilson Varga, Alexandria)
"Make Way for Ducklings": Effete liberals hit the dirt as Dick Cheney pursues Mrs. Mallard and her family across Boston Common. (Kevin Dopart)
"The Perfect Storm, With Pat Robertson": With the help of his trusty sidekick God, the Reverend moves a super-typhoon from the North Atlantic to San Francisco Bay, where they've basically been asking for it. (Brendan Beary)
Robert Altman's "M*A*S*H": Hawkeye Pierce (Donald Sutherland) is joined by his TV twin (Alan Alda), who drives down morale at the 4077th with his self-righteous moralizing about war and sexism. (John Johnston)
"The Five Horsemen of the Apocalypse": The Fifth, Willie Shoemaker, comes up just short in his furious last-minute charge, so the jockeys for the winning trifecta are Famine, Shoemaker and Pestilence. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
"Gandhi and Norton": As the Mahatma's assistant, Art Carney spends hours trying in vain to prepare a simple rice dish. Gandhi finally explodes in a rage and punches him out. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)
"No, Shoot THIS Piano Player": Yanni takes over from Charles Aznavour in the barroom . . . (Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)
"Crikey, It's Genesis!": Rugged reptile-taunter Steve Irwin is brought in by a worried Adam to curb Eve's fascination with a snake. With aplomb, Steve snares it in a Hessian sack [burlap bag, in the U.S. translation], thus taking away human guilt. (Duncan Seed, Robin Hood's Bay, North Yorkshire, England)
