We Watch . . . So You Don't Have To

Just my luck: The week I get to guest-blog "American Idol" happens to be the week the show's masterminds forget they're evil geniuses and make a mess of things.

Tuesday night's performance show, in which the finalists were ordered to sing contemporary songs, was a rare strategic blunder. When "Idol" contestants are restricted to the Songbooks of the Ancients -- Barry Manilow, Stevie Wonder, Elton John, Holland-Dozier-Holland -- it's possible to suspend disbelief. But if they sing songs you might actually have heard on the radio this week, you automatically compare them with Christina Aguilera or Tim McGraw or even "Idol" alumna Kelly Clarkson, and you have to face cold reality: They're amateurs, they're not very good, and most of them never will be.

And then last night, the "Idol" brain trust compounded the error. Usually they bring out an Ancient or a former winner to pad out the results show, which has to stretch half a minute's worth of business into half an hour. But this time they invited Shakira, the sultry Colombian undulatrix, and Wyclef Jean, the former Fugee, to perform. Viewers were thus invited to do the math: Shakira + Wyclef = genuine pop stars; "Idol" finalists = reality show contestants.

If history is any guide, "Idol" probably will go back to the tried and true next week -- I'm thinking "Broadway Ballads," or maybe "Soft-Rock Classics." And there was at least one piece of positive news last night: The show announced that Paula Abdul has signed on for another three years of her highly nonjudgmental "judging." (Run, Ace. Run for your life.)

Oh yes, the result: As expected, little Lisa Tucker went home. Normally it would be worth remarking that Ace Young, who looks like a pop star, and Katharine McPhee, who almost sounds like one, were there with her in the dreaded bottom three. But this week was too weird to draw conclusions. Just move on.

We now return you to your regular programming.

-- Eugene Robinson