Title Game: Killing Time. Jack Bauer: Killing Time!

CBS had better hope that tonight's NCAA championship game is a lot more competitive than the awful semifinals were Saturday night, or people will be fleeing for "24" and "The Apprentice" by the millions.

By the time the game tips off at 9:22, Jack Bauer will have shot 12 people. And I guarantee you he's far more accurate from the three-point line than George Mason and LSU were. If UCLA and Florida begin missing early, everybody's going back to Jack. (Although if those worshipful Jack Bauer Web sites are right, if you even try to tune into the game, Jack will kill you.)

Look, George Mason was a terrific story for three weeks. All those Cinderella/Magic Carpet/Little Engine That Could metaphors were sweet. But Mason got a beatdown from Florida -- the first team that actually respected Mason since the tournament began. It started when Joakim Noah blocked Mason's first shot. From that point, Florida owned all the air around the rim. Mason had to shoot from the outside to win, and the Patriots were terrible. Deep in the game, Florida had a 30-0 advantage in three-point scoring. Yes, 30-0. Mason didn't get its first three-pointer until Tony Skinn (is that a great name for a porn star, or what?) finally hit one with only six minutes left!

LSU was even worse. They didn't make any threes. UCLA suffocated LSU. That wasn't a game, that was water torture. Honestly, I would rather watch Howie Mandel than that. LSU scored 45 points in 40 minutes. Those who were waiting for Big Baby got Big Boredom.

And now tonight we have a football school, against UCLA. But not a UCLA we're used to. A UCLA without any recognizable names (and in the case of Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, an unspellable one). And a UCLA that plays smothering defense. That may be good if Ben Howland's dream is to be an NFL defensive coordinator. But this game has the potential to make Fox's 10 o'clock news look like "The Godfather."