A Few Choice Words

It's the Heat, and the Timidity

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Why do the Wizards even bother to play the Miami Heat? The next time the Wizards are in Miami, why not simply phone in a forfeit, then take the entire team down to South Beach and spend the evening doing something more productive, like staring at hot babes?

Counting Saturday night's loss in Miami, this is now 16 straight games the Wizards have dropped to the Heat. It doesn't matter what idiotic throwback uniforms each team is wearing. It doesn't matter which players are on the court. It doesn't matter where the game is played. The Wizards always lose. It doesn't matter who Miami sends out there; the Wizards have lost when Shaquille O'Neal doesn't play, and when Dwyane Wade doesn't play. Miami could bench Shaq and Wade, and start Crockett and Tubbs, and the Heat would still win. Regular season. Playoffs. Stan Van Gundy. Pat Riley. It's always the same. Miami wins, Wizards lose.

Sixteen straight games. That's a bunch. That's like Penn State and Maryland football; like Georgetown and St. Leo. If you're Eddie Jordan, what are you thinking when the Heat comes up on the schedule? I'd be thinking bird flu. Yep, send the Heat some bird flu. How else are you gonna beat these guys?

We've seen the Wizards beat the Pistons twice this season. We've seen them beat San Antonio and Phoenix. Those are three of the best teams in the NBA. But we never see the Wizards beat the Heat. Although sometimes, of course, it's not the heat, it's the humidity, hahaha. It's like a bye game for Miami. The Heat doesn't even concern itself about how the game is going, because it knows it is going to win anyway. Like the other night the Wizards were up by 10 points after the first quarter. So what? The Heat outscored them by 23 the rest of the way.

If I was Eddie Jordan, I wouldn't even show up for the next Miami game. I'd like Mike O'Koren coach the team. Let him take the heat.

© 2006 The Washington Post Company