Want In -- or Out? Make Us an Offer, Puh-leeze

The gossip world was shocked last week to hear allegations that a writer for the New York Post's Page Six tried to shake down a billionaire playboy for $220,000 to keep him out of the column. Why didn't we think of that?! Let's make some calls to test the market . . .

Mark Plotkin, WTOP's political analyst and D.C. gadfly:

You've heard about this gossip scandal in New York?

You should be charging.

We've been so naive.

What can I offer? Access to all D.C. politicians. Marion Barry's cellphone number. Season tickets to the Baltimore Orioles. I just talked to What's-His-Name.

None of these are very exciting.

Seats for the G.W.-Georgetown basketball rivalry.

Are you trying to get in or stay out of the column?

I'm trying to get in, sure. Who wouldn't want to get in? Let's see . . . an evening with William Donald Schaefer ?

Randy Samborn, spokesman for Very Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald:

What would you offer to get us to stop calling and ask nosy personal questions about your boss ?