Meet the Secretary of Serenity

By Dana Milbank
Wednesday, April 19, 2006

In nature, the opossum is known to play dead when threatened. In politics, that trait can now be observed in Donald Rumsfeld.

At yesterday's Pentagon news conference, the volatile defense secretary was expected to come out swinging at the retired generals who have called for his ouster in recent days because of his autocratic style and his mistakes in Iraq. But instead, the Pentagon press corps was greeted by Zen Rummy.

"I kind of would prefer to let a little time walk over it," he said when asked about the generals' gripes.

A questioner asked about the "great deal of dissatisfaction" with him in the military. "There are always differences of opinion," Rumsfeld answered mildly.

How come he offered to resign in the past but not now? "Oh," the secretary said sweetly, "just call it idiosyncratic."

CNN's Jamie McIntyre tried harder to provoke Rumsfeld. "How much do you think this is about your management style?"

"No idea," the unflappable one replied.

"Well, quick follow-up: To the charge that you're arrogant and autocratic --"

"I said I have no idea," Rumsfeld interrupted.

"Are you arrogant and autocratic?" McIntyre demanded.

"You know me," the possum parried.

Rumsfeld could maintain this out-of-character calm ("There are no indispensable men," he said when asked about a possible resignation) in part because he was standing at the lectern with Peter Pace, who is usually chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff but was moonlighting yesterday as Rumsfeld's PR guy.

When Rumsfeld was asked about the dissatisfaction with his leadership, Pace, waving a finger, jumped in. "It would be unfair to leave that statement the way it is," he said, citing "zero questions" about Rumsfeld's leadership. "The fact of the matter is that the folks who are out doing this nation's business are appreciative of the leadership that's being provided," the Marine general said.

The secretary knew hostile inquisitors awaited him ("Here we go!" someone in his party called out as he entered the room, as if storming an enemy's den), and he was ready with diversions.

First came Rambling Rummy. His opening statement moved from Jimmy Doolittle's raid on Tokyo in 1942 to the San Francisco earthquake of 1906 to the issue of military recruiters at colleges. When the Associated Press's Bob Burns tried to redirect Rumsfeld back to the issue of his job security, the secretary answered with a 1,500-word opus that included thoughts on the 120mm cannon and the 105mm howitzer.

When reporters tried to interrupt, Rumsfeld refused. "Just a minute," he protested. "I was asked a question, and I'm going to take all the time I want."

"Don't ask a follow-up," a colleague advised Burns.

When Rambling Rummy failed to quiet the braying press corps, Resourceful Rummy tried to pick friendly questioners. He ignored Reuters, ABC News and the big newspapers, calling on Ivan Scott of WTOP radio, who had already interrupted the session to praise Pace's abilities. When the Scott selection didn't work (even he asked whether Rumsfeld might resign) the secretary reached to the fourth row for Philip Dine of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, who changed the subject to opium in Afghanistan.

On the few occasions when reporters could get a clear shot at Rumsfeld, Pace intervened, uninvited, to defend his boss. "Let me say something, if I could," he volunteered, recalling the "six, seven or eight hours per day" he sometimes spends with Rumsfeld. "There are multiple opportunities for all of us, whatever opinions we have, to put them on the table," Pace asserted, while Rumsfeld looked over the crowd with a satisfied grin.

Playing possum, Rumsfeld could not argue directly with his critics. "We have to, I think, be reasonably tolerant with respect to things that get said," he proposed. He professed that he is "not inclined to be instantaneously judgmental" about his critics. Then, he proceeded to offer some instantaneous judgments, all made in such a reasonable and tolerant fashion that some reading between the lines was necessary.

"To get from the 20th century . . . to the 21st century, from conventional warfare into irregular and asymmetrical warfare is a difficult thing to do, and, by golly, one ought not to be surprised that there are people who are uncomfortable about it and complaining about it," he said.

Translation: My critics are stuck in another century.

"It's also true that I have a sense of urgency," he added. "I get up every morning and worry about protecting the American people."

Translation: My critics don't care urgently about Americans' security.

"I think that it's important to put all of what is going on in context and recognize that people who are often talking about what's taking place inside here do not know what is taking place inside here," he pointed out.

Translation: My critics are ignorant.

"Our Army will be vastly better than it was five to six years ago, and that's hard. That's hard for the people in the Army to do," Rumsfeld asserted.

Translation: My critics do not want a better Army.

With Rumsfeld facing such misguided critics, it's a pity he won't defend himself.