Oink! Oink! Can You Say Chauvinist Baseball Pig?

By Tony Kornheiser
Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Exactly which planet is Keith Hernandez living on?

Oh, wait, it's the one where all the men dye their mustaches and beards luxuriously black, and then automatically walk out of the bar with the prettiest girl in tow. That planet. The "Just For Men" planet.

What a boob this guy is.

Hernandez, now part of the Mets' broadcasting crew, was doing a game in San Diego over the weekend when he saw a woman in the Padres' dugout.

"What's going on here?" Hernandez harrumphed. "You've got to be kidding me. Only player personnel in the dugout."

When he was later informed the woman, 33-year-old Kelly Calabrese, is the team's massage therapist, Hernandez said, "I won't say that women belong in the kitchen. But they don't belong in the dugout."

How very generous of him to not add that women should be barefoot and pregnant.

What if, as happens so frequently in college sports, the team trainer is a woman? Or the team doctor is a woman? Would Hernandez have them sit in the stands rather than the dugout? Or would only a sissy team have a woman trainer? (My editor on these columnettes, Cindy, is a woman. I'd better not tell Keith the next time we're dyeing our mustaches together!)

Afterwards, Hernandez made it worse by saying, "You know I'm only teasing. I love you gals out there -- always have."

I'll bet the gals love you too, Keith. Doncha, gals?

Even when Hernandez ultimately apologized, he made a hash of it. Like so many fools, he apologized not for what he said, but if it offended anybody.

Yesterday, the Mets' TV network reprimanded Hernandez for "inappropriate remarks."

Makes you wonder what Jerry and Elaine saw in him.

© 2006 The Washington Post Company