America, Minus A Human Factor

· If the number of stonecutters and stone carvers went from 44,000 in 1900 to zero in 1980 and 1990, how do we still manage to have tombstones?

· There are no numbers about sex. Not a lot of long-term data sets, we are told. Disease and pregnancy, yes. But sex, no.

"Numbers as reality misbehave," says Douglas R. Hofstadter in "Godel, Escher, Bach," the marvelously bestselling meditation on the intersection between human thought, creativity and mathematical ideas. "However, there is an ancient and innate sense in people that numbers ought not to misbehave. There is something clean and pure in the abstract notion of number . . . there ought to be a way of talking about numbers without always having the silliness of reality come in and intrude."

Talk about silly realities: Barbershops, beauty salons and health clubs went from making $500 million in 1929 to more than 50 times that -- $28.5 billion -- in 1999. But what does that tell us about comely appearance? Sad is the drop in the number of "tailors and tailoresses," going from 172,000 in 1920 to 27,800 in 1990, no matter how cheaply you can get your pants at Wal-Mart.

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics," said Mark Twain, quoting Disraeli.

Nonetheless, corns and calluses are going down, from 21.2 complaining people per thousand in 1982 to 16.6 in 1995.

Migraines, however, are up -- 33.6 per thousand in 1982, 45.4 in 1995.

Asthma is up.

Ingrown nails are steady.

You'd think modern medicine would have really put a dent in acute infective and parasitic conditions, but you'd be wrong. They're not down by much.