Scandals Left and Right

For a congressman who just crashed his Mustang into a Capitol Police barrier and can't remember a thing about it, Patrick Kennedy is one lucky guy.

An hour before the Rhode Island Democrat was to make a painful appearance in front of the cameras announcing that he was going into rehab, Kennedy was bumped off the cable news screens by the sudden and unexpected resignation of CIA boss Porter Goss. Suddenly there was another scandal vying with Kennedy to lead the news, as Washington began to whisper about what nefarious deed might have hastened Goss's retreat.

On the other hand, Kennedy didn't look as if he was in a mood to send Goss a box of chocolates. Chased by cameras -- his office, home and favorite hangout had been staked out -- he tried to enter the Capitol but was redirected to another entrance, extending his walk of shame. He entered the House television studio with a forced grin and opened his speech with trembling hands. He began to speak, but something sounding like "argh" came out and he cleared his throat and began again.

"The incident on Wednesday evening concerns me greatly," he said, tripping over the last word. "I simply do not remember getting out of bed, being pulled over by the police or being cited for three driving infractions." As he spoke, he began to shake more noticeably. Perspiration built on his upper lip. The small room, with seating for 19 but crammed with 65 people, was silent except for the click of camera shutters. "I need to seek expert help," he continued. "This afternoon, I'm traveling to Minnesota to seek treatment at the Mayo Clinic."

Kennedy tried to ignore the din of shouted questions as he walked to the door, but he couldn't avoid the woman in the front row who asked if he would resign. He shook his head. "I need to stay in the fight," he said. Then the latest victim of the Kennedy Curse disappeared. On the decorative bookshelf behind the lectern where he spoke, there was still a copy of the Warren Commission's report on his uncle's assassination.

The media mob, expecting to duel with a feisty Kennedy who would deny wrongdoing, instead found a miserable character. Before the congressman's appearance, jokes about Chappaquiddick, Ambien and methadone filled the room. After the appearance, some felt bad for him that his father, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.), didn't join him. Others said the return to rehab would douse the story. "It's a get-out-of-jail-free card," one producer predicted.

Fortunately for the scandalmongers -- not to mention Kennedy -- Goss was ready to take over the spotlight. Neither Goss nor President Bush gave any reason for his quick resignation when they appeared in the Oval Office. That left former Republican congressman Bob Barr, who served in the House with Goss, free to speculate.

"I think there's going to be more coming out," Barr said on CNN. "We don't know the whole story." Invoking the bribery scandal involving former GOP congressman Duke Cunningham, Barr continued: "It's starting to reach into the CIA. And that could very well be something that is going to -- you know, like a sore that's been festering. That could bust out sometime now. And maybe that could reach into the top levels of the agency."

For some reason, none of this came up when White House press secretary Scott McClellan, in his last day on the job, interrupted his briefing to say: "One thing I forgot to mention at the top, and I know this will stir some interest, but it just popped back in my mind, and I apologize for not mentioning it at the top."

Yup, just popped into his mind that the CIA director was resigning in half an hour.

The president, too, acted as if the whole thing had been widely expected and was entirely Goss's call. "Porter's tenure at the CIA was one of transition," Bush said. "He's led ably."

Continuing the classic resignation minuet, Goss acted as if he had not been given a shove. "I can tell you the trust and confidence you've placed in me and given me, the latitude to work, is something I could never have imagined, and I am most grateful for it," the spook said.

Bush and Goss left reporters an hour to make the climb up Pennsylvania Avenue to the Capitol for the Kennedy speech. Along the way, satellite trucks waited outside the federal courthouse where former vice presidential aide Scooter Libby was having a hearing in the Valerie Plame leak case.

But Scooter was passé yesterday. The scandal machine had a new victim with a famous name. Indeed, if Kennedy's name were Congressman Jones, his mishap might not have been big news. There was no major damage yesterday to the barrier he hit at First and C streets SE (in view of Republican National Committee headquarters) and the photos of his car showed light damage to a front headlight and rear fender.

But Kennedy is not Jones. So when news came Thursday of the crash -- and of the friendly ride home from Capitol Police, who declined to give him a sobriety test -- reporters camped for six hours outside Kennedy's office.

When the unhappy man finally emerged, Fox News's Jim Mills asked him whether he had received special treatment. "I didn't ask for any," he replied.

Now Kennedy is getting some special treatment at Mayo, and Goss is about to be given the treatment in Washington.