The Starting Lineup

Seems like the Wizards could have used a screening of the new teen film "Stick It," seeing as how their season came to a bit of a crash landing the other night. (Incidentally, "Stick It" was written by the same scribe who brought us "Bring It On" -- word is, her next project is entitled "Cram It With Walnuts.") Anyhow, we asked a few Mitch Gaylord wannabes to get our boys started with some key gymnastics terminology:

Choreography, Mark Lerner: Nats' principal owner joins D.C. bigs to break ground on stadium. And just to kill two birds with one stone, everyone took the opportunity to heap dirt on the team's postseason chances.

Assemblé, Mayor Anthony Williams: At the ceremony, he takes note of the surprising number of onlookers who showed up. High attendance at a Nats-related event? That is groundbreaking.

Flip-Flop, Stadium Architects: Still debating several details, including the type of carpeting that will be used in the Nats' new home. Which seems unnecessary, since the D.C. Council will inevitably pull the rug out from under them.

Flyaway, Jim Bowden: Asks reporters if he needs to spell the word "embarrassing." No, no; just letters seven through nine, please.

Backbend, Stan Kasten: Nats future president won't discuss payroll, but promises a robust investment into the farm system. Good thing; with Cristian Guzman out of the picture, the team could sorely use a few goats.

McCool, Matt Leinart: QB romantically linked to Paris Hilton. Leinart said his affair with Paris has made him realize he should actually be proud of the fact that, at the NFL draft, only nine guys went ahead of him.

Hand Guards, Denny Hamlin: NASCAR rookie cuts his hand during a footrace around the team hauler. So even on their off days, these guys have nothing better to do than run around in circles.

Ball Out, LeBron James: Whispers something to Gilbert Arenas right before Wizard bricks two crucial Game 6 free throws. According to sources, LeBron described to Arenas in detail how, when he's especially nervous, he starts chewing his toe nails.

Overshoot, George Mitchell: Players are miffed after baseball's steroids sleuth asks to see telephone records. So James wasn't the only one crying about calls last week.

Reverse Turn, The Other Lakers: Shoot 32 percent in Game 7 loss. After Bryant's teammates hung him out to dry, Raja Bell kindly offered to provide Kobe with a clothesline.

Half-in, Half-out, Charles Barkley: NBA legend admits he has a gambling problem. Not surprising; just by looking at the guy, you can tell he's spent some serious time around chips.

Giant, Stan Lee: Marvel Comics legend plans reality show to find new superhero. Kevin Garnett has already nominated himself for the role, pointing to his ability to turn invisible whenever the playoffs roll around.

Benched: Mint juleps, The Battle for L.A., Hootie's tenure, Earnhardt's drought, Ambien.