We Watch ... So You Don't Have To
Absolutely everyone had forecast a big win for silver-haired goofball Taylor Hicks over Katharine McPhee before their final "American Idol" performances last night.
Even judges Mopsy, Flopsy and Tipsy.
Still, the show must go on, as they say.
"It's now or never, baby -- you've got to lay it all on the line tonight!" Mopsy says, pulling out the very best from his bag of five gag-inducing cliches.
Tipsy hopes Taylor and Katharine are "in good voice." Flopsy says he "would suggest the contestants pray the other one forgets the words."
This week, the two finalists are forced to revisit two songs they've already sung during the competition, after which they'd be subjected to traditional made-for-"Idol" treacle tunes created just for them.
Katharine chooses the two songs she'd sung while sitting on the floor of the stage, which were also her best performances.
After "Black Horse and Cherry Tree," Mopsy whines that it was not "super-exciting" because he'd heard it before. Yes, Mopsy, that was the point.
Tipsy urges her to celebrate; Flopsy says the occasion is bigger than the song.
Host Ryan Seacrest reminds viewers they will have "at least four hours to vote."
How long exactly is "at least four hours?" If someone votes 12 hours later, will his vote still be counted? Something smells fishy here.
Taylor sings "Living for the City" and it once again sounds like a weak imitation of Stevie Wonder, only Taylor's wearing a puce velvet jacket, and any guy who has the nerve to wear a puce velvet jacket on national TV deserves our votes.