Snagged by the Network

Vickie Gray fits into the overwhelmed category, though she understands the importance of networks. She had let her network lapse a few years ago, then found herself in the position of needing to ask for references. She knew she could not simply ask someone she hadn't seen in two years for a favor. "I just vowed I would never let my network lapse again," she said.

And in the midst of rebuilding her network, she offered much guidance herself. Unfortunately, being in a niche field of professional-services marketing, she now finds that her desire to help has sort of backfired.

She is bombarded with e-mails, requests for lunch and people asking for recommendations for vendors. Helping was "something I'd always done," said Gray, the director of marketing for a District-based law firm. But lately she has felt as if she has to stop.

Serving as a reference, when she is asked whether she would hire someone, is fine. Of course she can spare a minute or two for that. But she is also asked for recommendations, both for people and vendors, programs or business leads. "It started to feel like I'm giving away intellectual property," she said.

"I'm realizing I need to just pull back," she said. "My inclination is to help and be collegial. But I can't spend an hour a day or more helping other people develop business. I have my own people I have to make a priority."

Others say people should not think they are owed anything, particularly by near-strangers.

A journalist in Philadelphia said she loves to bump into people at the National Association of Black Journalists convention every year who went to her college. But last year, a woman she barely remembered said hello, then promptly asked for a recommendation. "I feel like I'm putting my name on that, and if the person's a wacko, I look terrible," said the journalist, who spoke on condition of anonymity so she won't upset possible contacts. "I looked very uncomfortable, and said, 'I'm so sorry, but no. I can't do that.' Inside, I was saying, 'Why are you putting me in this position to have to say no?' "

Networking should be a mutually beneficial relationship, said Heather Hamilton, staffing programs manager for Microsoft Corp. She is a recruiter for the company's marketing department and is a company blogger who at times invites readers to send her their résumés.

But some people ask for too much, such as contact information for other divisions or people, or to put Hamilton on their online list of networks. "Because people read my blog, they feel like they know me. And I want them to feel comfortable reaching out to me," she said. But, she is a marketing recruiter and simply can't be an "in" to every stranger who wants to work at her mammoth company.

Her advice? "If you're going to network, know what you're trying to get out of it," she said. "Tap into people you have something in common with, whether it's a mutual friend or an industry you're in."

She relies mostly on professional organizations, which is how she has made most of her contacts and finds new employees. When someone posts to her blog looking for a contact in another department, or when readers get snippy with her when she says she can't help, that's not networking. It's socially awkward begging. And begging is never attractive. Which is why Hamilton advises both on her blog and to her friends to establish a network before it's actually needed. "You want that already in place, so you can go back to them to help you in your career search."

E-mailing a marketing recruiter who has a blog when you want a job in programming is not going to win you any friends. Or networks.

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