The D-List's Dart-Wielding Doyenne
Friday, June 2, 2006
Let's just make it official: Kathy Griffin is the best friend a celebrity-gawking, "Talk Soup"-loving, Streisand-worshiping, US Weekly reader ever had.
And don't even try to say that isn't you.
Ozzy Osbourne: "Not old, but rickety -- you know, like you could tip him like a cow."
Celine's husband Rene Angelil: "In his early hundreds. One of the oldest living Canadians."
Ryan Seacrest: "He gets manis, pedis, gets his eyebrows tinted. . . . You know, stuff all straight guys do."
Is there a single reference you couldn't catch? Yeah, didn't think so.
Say what you will about our collective obsession with Hollywood and wealth and all things reality, but it's by no means on the wane. And comedian Kathy Griffin's plan is to simply wallow in it, punctuating the insanity with a few obscenity-filled stories about her own adventures on the fringes of fame and mocking the inane behavior of spoiled celebrities throughout the land.
On stage, Griffin, whose show is at the Warner Theatre on Sunday, comes across as a master of acerbic cocktail hour storytelling. The shtick must be dazzlingly well rehearsed, we assume, for no one could be that quick in real life.
And then we spend 25 minutes on the phone with her and tears are creeping from the corners of our eyes and co-workers four and five cubicles over seem annoyed that we can't stop laughing.
We begin, of course, with television.
"Okay, to me it's all happening on 'Oprah' right now," she says in her signature million-words-a-minute, get-ready-to-be-appalled rhythm. "It's all happening on 'Oprah.' First, did you watch the 'Legends Ball'?"
Eeek, we missed it. Was it awesome?